03:20
Wild awake. I am having hot soya Horlicks.
My bad leg hurts. Inside the leg.
A thousand thoughts. None stay around to be of any use. They come in, occupy my brain, demand attention, but as soon as I start to think about them, another appears and demands attention. A great example of how NOT to get anything done.
My back is sore, and I have sciatica. It will be a lot worse tomorrow night after moving computer, TV , 2 printers, and the large table out, and trying to get the bed out of the shed. The beds were the first thing put in the shed, and there are a couch, refrigerator, 2 computers, a large cupboard and 2 tables put in after.
So my plan is to first clean the house because all flat surfaces are covered in papers from doctors. Move the computer into the living room. Shit......That is a full day right there. All the cables run in the ceiling. I'll have to drill new holes in the ceiling, go up into the ceiling , and re route all the wires.
I would rather read my book.
I remember watching an old movie about this normal guy that got into trouble with the Mafia, his wife was divorcing him, he had money problems, and he lost his job. Then he was in a very bad auto accident, and his last words to the paramedics as they were trying to cut him out of the wreck was "Oh Thank God."
Imagine, a solution to all the problems you have, and all future problems. Of course if you have many good things in your life, then you don't want to lose those. Like throwing out the baby with the bath water.
But what if the baby is a sniveling, whining, asshole? Then you cure two problems at once.
I wish I had moved quicker on the car purchase. Then I could just collect Maddie at the airport, and we would save a few thousand rand from having to rent a car.
I wish I had not spent 6 years worth of my life savings, in the last 4 months. My finances are like I am mining a finite, limited, resource. Totally unsustainable.
I wish I had eaten healthier.
I wish I had worked faster with the solar system, so it was better. When will I ever get up on the roof again?
I wish I did not need the leg removed.
I wish I didn't have cancer.
I wish .... for world peace. Isn't that what wins beauty contests? The world just doesn't want to hear about cancer, and amputations. The world wants fluffy, pink, clouds to live in.
3 months ago, I lived in a fluffy, pink, cloud.
I WANT MY CLOUD BACK!!!
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04:15
I just tried writing a letter to Maddie. I wanted to tell her some important things to remember regarding her planing to come here. I couldn't think of a single constructive idea.
ME! The idea man...Nothing.
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19:10
A very busy day.
After getting up around 8, I had my egg(s), and some coffee.
Today is normally a chemo day, but with the amputation, they are stopping chemo for a month.
I am still getting tired, and I am sure I am not so smart. Maybe that will improve with a few weeks of no chemo.
My leg constantly hurts. I have no gauge to tell if is real cancer hurt, or just a sprain, or an angiosarcoma tumor puking bad cells throughout my body, or maybe it is my imagination. I would worry, but in 36 hours that leg will be in a dumpster someplace. Actually they are doing a biopsy on it.
I decided to do up in the ceiling first before it got hot up there. Moving the TV dish cable turned out to be trivial, and I never even went into the ceiling. Yesterday I bought some wiring cable, and strung that between the inverter, and the main circuit breaker panel.
Then moved all the satellite dish decoder, speakers and computer monitor into the Living room. Plugged everything in, and I now have TV on the computer monitor in the living room. No main computer, but that is another problem for another day.
Much of the boxes and useless stuff in the living room, I took out to the shed. I went to the shed, to see if there was anyway to get the beds out of it. Not an easy task. I asked the gardener next door if he would be available to help unpack the shed and he said yes. Both beds in the shed are Queen size. Maddie suggested a single bed. When I sleep, I take up little room, and I don't move around a lot. Maddie suggested that maybe we could make it work with both of us in the same bed, because she doesn't move around much either.
I decided to call the Occupational Therapist. She seems sharp and switched on. I talked to her for a few minutes, and she was a fountain of good ideas. She said that after the amputation there are a few things she suggests.
1. Always make Maddie the keeper of the crutches. That way she is always there to help, and you can't accidentally zoom off and hurt yourself.
2. Put a bright light next to the bed, so every time you want up to pee, you turn on the light. it will help you see, and it will tell Maddie to bring the crutches.
3. No wires, cables, or dogs on the floor. I smiled because I have 2 cables running right across the bedroom floor. I have tripped over them a few times today.
4. Always sleep with good leg near the edge of the bed.
5. Stump will be very tender for a few weeks. Sleeping with Maddie will probably make both of you lose sleep worrying about bumping the stump. Separate beds till the stump tenderness goes away.
6. Stay off the floor. Exercises in bed only. Getting up off the floor with your balance off, will result in a few falls. Only after you get a good feel for new balance points will the floor be an option.
7. Chemo is evil stuff. It is hard to walk if you are whole. With a balance problem, AND chemo you will fall. Be Very Careful. Make Maddie the judge of whether you can move on crutches. Stupid people never know they are stupid. That is also one of the reasons there is no chemo for 3 weeks after a leg amputation. An arm amputation is 1 week.
So we either needed to get the beds out of the shed, or buy new ones. I went bed shopping, and actually found a nice single bed. I bought it and they delivered it. Problem solved. Now to move the computer, and move the computer table out to the shed, so there is room for the new bed. Maddie will get the new bed, and I will sleep in the old one.
While bed shopping I looked at some other cars. That white Mercedes is still my preferred one.
I sometimes get like a huge energy drain. While looking at a used car lot, I got super tired. In seconds. I sat in the beetle and fell asleep. the guy banged on the window asking if I was alright. I was fine then and looked around some more. When shopping the other day I had the same, and I drank 2 red bull in the shop. That helped, but then the caffeine rush stays long after the tired attack stops. I think maybe the low carb diet, or dehydration. But it comes quick, and leaves quick.
I came home and hooked the inverter up to a new circuit breaker in the main electrical box. One less cable across the floor. There just isn't time to do the inverter out put wiring, so I ran the existing wiring up above the cabinets, so it is out of the way, just not real pretty. I also ran out of time for mounting the TV monitor to the wall. It will live on a stack of books for . . . . for probably ever. :-)
Supper is spinach and chicken breast.
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