July 18 2016 - Another fall, and another pain.

10:30
From a chilly George.
It is a beautiful, clear day out side.
Maddie is hanging laundry.
I am drugged up and stupid.

Yesterday I wanted to make coffee and help Maddie get ready for church. We set the alarm for 7, but at 6 I had to pee. So I decided to crutch to the toilet. The light switch is up on the wall, and with crutches is a pain in the ass, and I didn't want to wake Maddie, so I crutched in the dark.
I made it up the steps to the dressing room. While crutching to the bathroom I went to move the crutches forward to put weight on them before moving my good foot forward. But it was like the crutches never got to the ground. I felt like I was falling forward down steps, and the crutches were only hitting air.
Then the back of my head hit the closet doors, and I landed hard on my tailbone. Shock and back pain. I cried out and woke Maddie. I had been falling backwards while thinking I was falling forward.
The pain in my lower back was intense. I just laid there moaning. Thankfully Maddie did not try and move me. She did good. Laying on my back on the floor just happens to be the best thing for lower back pain, and I was in that position already. Maddie brought some blankets, and a pillow, and left me alone. About an hour later she wanted to get me back down the stairs to the bedroom, but first up into the wheelchair. She brought a strong kitchen chair, and I was able to crawl up it into the wheel chair, but sitting hurt my back to much, and I fell/crawled back onto the floor.
Maddie brought my pills, and quickly made an omelet, and I took pain, anti-inflamatories, and muscle relaxers. I ate the omelet laying on the dressing room floor.
I then dragged myself down the stairs, and again using the kitchen chair, was able to get into bed. It was late afternoon before I could move and sit up. I took my drug cocktail every 4 hours.
Today I am able to sit in the wheelchair, but I must sit still, and sit straight up.
I dread thinking about driving back to Pretoria in a weeks time.

Shame, Maddie wants to go to the Botanical gardens, and maybe a movie. I want to be safe in bed or the wheelchair. I read about some amputee veteran from Afganistan that had lots of falls on crutches and with his prosthetic leg. He says he has the choice of a semi normal life with his prosthesis, or a zero pain life by staying in his wheel chair. He chose the wheel chair, with occasional use of the prosthesis.
There is much advantage to a low pain, no falling lifestyle.  My desire for a pain free existence is becoming more important than a traveling, socializing, or going out of the house.
I am becoming a hermit.
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