I haven't posted a blog in a long time. I feel the need to chat to someone, and there is no-one that wants to hear my story, so I chat to my blog. No-one has visited my blog site in almost a year, that doesn't speak Chinese.
I have been in the USA for about 6 months, and go back to South Africa in a few weeks.
I sold my RV, so am staying in a small hunting cabin in the middle of a forest.
the cabin is small, but has a microwave, bar fridge, toilet and shower, and a camping cot.
From E-bay I bought a Colledge Park Odyssey K3 ankle for $2000. That improved my self selected walking speed by over 10%. I wanted a Freedom Inovation Kinterra, but the Odessy was 1/3 the price. The ankle helps very much on uneven terrain.
I also bought a Fillaur DuraShock torque buffer for $500. This allows me to twist on the prosthetic leg. It seems most beneficial when doing little steps, like washing dishes, or making coffee. It also seems to help with uneven terrain. Small twists are not transmitted to the stump.
I am battling with my socket, as usual. it seems like 90% of the usefulness of a prosthetic is the socket. Walking without the DuraShock feels better, but it helps in the day to day moving around, that I decided to try walking 5 km with it. So with the 2100, the Odyssey K3, and the DuraShock, I walked 5.82 kilometers. As usual, most of the problems were socket related. I averaged 4.2 km/hr. My previous best speed was 3.8 km/hr.
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My anti social behavior is becoming more pronounced. I know very few people that talk loud and distinct enough for me to usefully interact verbally with them. So they chat away, and I nod. I answered some lady the other day by saying my favorite dog was a Staffie, and she looked at me like I was crazy, she had been talking about Trumps campaign.
My leg often bothers me at inappropriate times, and being in a social situation when the socket grabs my balls, is a hard one to resolve without offending someone.
Yesterday I was invited to a ladies house for leftovers. It was pleasant, and the food welcome. While there my tummy started acting up. Like diarrhea coming on. Her bathroom is tiny, with nothing to grab or balance with, so I was reluctant to use it. But soon I had no choice.
I get into her bathroom, and balance carefully to remove my leg. Unfortunately I had on track suit bottoms. I seldom wear long pants because of the tactical nightmare of using the bathroom.
I get the tracksuit down around my ankles, then take off the cycling shorts to around my ankles. Only then can I remove the leg. I can't move the leg anywhere, because it is trapped to my good ankle. I then lower my underwear, and sit. Very diarrhea. Now to try to wipe while not only holding the leg, but with three pieces of clothing wrapped around my ankles. Lots of messy toilet paper later, my ass is relatively clean, but will require a shower when I get back to the cabin.
Back into the living room, the lady was chatting about something or the other, my mind was on my leg, that I hadn't put back on correctly. Also my tummy was rumbling again.
Soon I excuse myself and go again to the bathroom. Same balancing and tangle of clothing. I can also now see that I hadn't wiped very well. Skid marks on my underwear.
Diarrhea again, and lots of toilet paper and still messy. I get all the clothing back on, and the leg back on crooked again.
I then go out to chat again, but my mind is on a zillion things and her chatting to me is wasted breath. I decide to drive home now so I can shower.
About halfway on the drive home I need the toilet again badly. I start to pull over, but before I can get stopped, it has all come out. Gross. So I decide to just continue to the cabin. I have to get out to open the gate, and the car seat is all brown and wet. I squish to the gate and unlock it, sit back down with a squish, then drive through the gate, and get out and feel stuff dripping down my leg, lock the gate, then sit with a squish again.
At the cabin I walk straight into the shower, and start removing gross soiled clothing. Try removing long pants full of shit over a prosthetic foot. It is an impossible task. Again...Gross.
Some shit has streamed down my stump between the socket and liner.
It took more than an hour to clean up the mess, and to disassemble the prosthetic leg, clean it, and reassemble it. I ended up with a big pile of shit stained clothing.
Now it was late, and I just wanted to head for bed in my now clean underwear.
I got to bed and fell straight asleep.
About 2:00 AM I awoke to an urgent need to poo. The only way I had to get to the toilet was to get my leg on quickly. I quickly got the leg on, the light on, and stood up. The pressure of the socket without a real liner, made my weight concentrated on where the groin meets the socket. This forced the shit out. So I take about 10 steps to the toilet, and every step is a squirt of diarrhea. the underwear stopped some of it, but you could still see every step I took by the puddles on the floor.
Now there was shit all over the floor, all over my prosthetic foot and shoe, again between the socket and its liner, all over my sleep compression socks, and of course my underwear. I was empty before I got to the toilet, so I went straight into the shower again.
An hour later I was clean and wearing clean underwear, and the prosthetic leg was once again clean. To prevent another occurrence, I slept in the bathroom till the next morning.
This morning I said my little ritual...
I am not in pain.
I am not cold.
I am not hungry. It is a good day
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I don't have any "friends" I hate enough to subject them to my presence. I can not conceive of a person wanting to live with me. Even I find living with me, to be unpleasant.
I fear the only solution to my social problems is isolation. I need to concentrate on life without any other people.
Maybe I need to focus on the Buddhist meditation techniques.
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