Day 75 - Bad News from the Surgeon

08:00
I woke feeling tired. I slept well, but woke tired.

I have a Surgeon appointment scheduled for 12:00.
I have to give blood for the weekly blood test.
I want to install the new grab rails.
I want to bind all the amputation papers into a book like form.
I have to fill out a prosthesis for and get it to the prosthetic guy.
I am out of cash.
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18:00
What a soul sucking day. I am so tired. Tired of chemo, tired of being sick, tired of being stupid, and tired of being tired. It is not just my body, it is my soul that is tired.
Sorry to bitch, but this blog's purpose is for me to express myself and not care what people think.

I could have slept the whole day. Fortunately my solar system is now ignorable. It could be much, much better, but at least it requires no maintenance or supervision.

I left home early in the beetle. I went to an office service to bind the Amputation papers. They did it. Next was to go to a place that helps refit cars for people with amputations. They didn't answer the phone twice, and when I drove there they were closed. They have exceeded their allocated time from me. Now they can go to hell.

I drove then straight to the hospital to eat something and take my morning pills. Usually I cook an egg or fish and broccoli, but I am out of all three, so I had nothing to take pills with.  At the last chemo the oncologist gave me 2 new pills for allergy, and to stop me coughing up white chunks.
I was so stupid this morning. I was angry at me for being stupid. I take 17 pills every morning counting the 2 new ones. I only had 15 this morning. I spent a long time trying to figure out what I was missing. I read each paper that comes with the drugs, and found out that one is supposed to be once a day, and I had been taking it 3 times a day, and another was 3 times a day and I was only taking one a day. But I still only had 15.

At the hospital I asked the waitress to sped up a huge breakfast. He did good, and I ate a large breakfast, and took my 15 pills. Then I went to the Doctor rooms by 11:45. On the way all the pages fell out of my new booklet. Grrr!

My surgeon and his theater nurse were there. We talked about how the dietician was so concerned about an extra egg every morning, and sort of glossed over a leg amputation and cancer. He said that many cancer patient have to deal with people that just don't get what is really happening. Many people try to protect themselves by either ignoring another persons cancer, or by making light of it. This is an attempt to disassociate themselves from their own mortality. I guess he may be right.  She is young, and still has a lot to learn about life.

The surgeon had the new PET scan results. They are magnified and have a tiny millimeter grid on them to tell exact distances. He says they show without doubt that he will not be able to do a below the knee amputation.
He says they had a team of Doctors go over the PET scans again. Now they were not looking for angiosarcom tumors, and whether they had spread, but they were looking for any thing that may be relevant to selecting the proper amputation procedure. Quite different things.
 They found 21 sites they say are cancerous tumors in the leg, and one pre-cancerous high mitotic spot.
 For many years I have had a small mole/wart behind my left knee kind of toward the inside on the thigh. I have shown it to all the Doctors, and they all say it is a wart/mole.  The PET team said they were suspicious because it had high mitotic action. That means the cells are dividing fast. Sort of like cancer, but not being diagnosed as a possible cancer. They then measured closely and found that the mole/wart was not at the exact location of the place with high mitotic action. The mitotic action place is about 2-3mm deeper than the wart/mole.
Here is a picture from Day 40 - Leg Tumors.

The spot on the inside of my left knee was what we thought was my wart/mole. It isn't.
The PET scan Doctors describe it as pre-cancerous activity. Is it from the Angiosarcoma spreading, or a different pre-cancerous tumor? Angiosarcoma will love to grow in any stressed body part. That is why it started in my swollen leg, that had been under stress for 30 years.
So now to be safe, the Surgeon needs a 5cm area around my knee wart/mole removed. This makes an above knee amputation necessary. :-( We talked about doing a biopsy first and then an amputation. He says that even if it not cancer, it is definite pre-cancerous and with known angiosarcoma, he would take the knee anyway.
 So now the amputation will be about 6 inches (15 cm) higher. This will make a prosthesis much more expensive, and less effective. :-(
 He then talked about when we could do the amputation. I asked if it was his child's leg, when would he do the operation. He answered  "Tomorrow, or the next day." We scheduled it for Friday the 23rd at 06:00 . Today is Tuesday the 20th.
He said he had canceled tomorrows chemo, and therefor the blood test was not necessary.
I asked if Maddie being here would be worthwhile since I would be out for a few days. He said that there should be no need for her to be on hand, as I would not even know her for 3 days. He expects the hospital stay to be 4 days. He is guessing I will be released the afternoon of the 27th, or maybe the morning of the 28th.
Always with the tagline "if there are no complications"

So, so much to do.
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22:15
OK ...Maddie will arrive in Johannesburg on Thursday the 22nd at noon. We rented a Hyundai i10 for 8 days. She will collect it from the airport on arrival.
She wants to be here to take me to the hospital on Friday morning. Then for the next 3 days, she can stay with some  of her friends in Pretoria, Or stay in my house. her choice. Then she will bring me home, and we will have the rental car until I can buy a car. The beetle is a wonderful hobby car, but not what I would call "reliable transport". I feel much better about her driving a rental car than the beetle.

I installed all the grab bars. Two to help get up from the toilet, and two in the shower.

I need to somehow arrange for a separate bed for me to sleep in.  We have to be so careful not to bump or hurt the stump while it is healing. The occupational therapist recommends separate beds. So tomorrow I will buy a bed. There is currently no room for another bed. I must remove the TV table, and the computer desk tomorrow.

The guy with the Mercedes I like, sent it for it's pre purchase inspection by a company similar to the AA. For you Americans, the AA is the Automobile Association. In America you add an other A. Our AA is like your AAA.
He will send it to fix the aircon tomorrow.

So much to do, I better go sleep.
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Day 74 - Car shopping.

I slept well with half a sleeping pill. Sort of a normal nights sleep.

My bad leg hurts. About 3 inches (8cm) above the ankle. It never hurts. I did all my exercises and that made no change to the hurt. I need to tell the Doc about that. It feels deep inside, and does not change with pressure, or movement. I am guessing the bone hurts? or maybe just paranoia because i know what is growing in there.

I have a huge list of things to do. I would like to walk, but will probably drive to get more done.

Now my refrigerator and the washing machine are hooked up on the solar system.
 The refrigerator cycles more that I thought it would. It is an old inefficient model. I runs about 8 minutes per hour and draws 160 watts.
My washing machine draws about 85 watts until the spin cycle, then it jumps to over a thousand watts for a few seconds. I started the load at 09:00 and the grid never had to kick in, it was all solar panels and batteries.

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My friend brought by a small machine for finding water pipes and wiring in brick walls. That allows me to drill in the walls without making a big boo boo. Tomorrow I will mount the new grab bars. There are three more to install. One more by the toilet, and 2 in the shower. This morning I tried to get in the shower with out using my left leg. It is very hard to do. How do you get over the lip that is around the shower. A one legged hop onto a wet shower floor seems like a stupid thing to do.
I think crutches to get into and out of the shower will be the way. In the house that Maddie just moved into, there is a small bench that folds out of the wall in the shower. That is what I need. I need to shop for one.

I bought a toilet seat extension. It raises the seat by 4 inches (10 cm). I haven't tried it yet.

I drove and looked a 2 cars for sale. Both late 1990s Mercedes Benz. The 1997 one was sort of gold, but it looked ratty. I never even talked o the guy.
The other one was at a dealer. The price said R59,999 but he said I could have it for R39,999. I told him that on the internet that is the price they quote. He said there had not been much interest in that car. We walked to it. It was jammed in the back of the lot and we couldn't even open the doors. The battery was dead, and we couldn't open the trunk to get to the battery. It has  a very fancy key that sends an infrared signal to the computer. The key also had a dead battery. He sent a guy to clear a way to open the doors, and he sent another guy to the battery shop near by to bring a jumper box. He sent another guy to get a battery for the key. It was like an army on the move.
 One after another they came back, and we got in and started it I tested all the windws, and everything seemed to work. It has manual seats. I had hoped for electric seats.
There are a few things that are not good. But for a 15 year old car it is in pretty good shape. The scary stuff like transmission or engine is unknown. It is slightly high mileage 225,000km. There is no service history, as Mercedes stops recording the history after 150,000kms. IF the engine is good, and IF the transmission is good, then it might be a good deal. I told him I would expect an AA pre-purchase inspection, and I would expect license and registration to be done by him. I also told him I was not happy because there was only one key, so he should look at buying another. The air conditioner only blew hot air. Of course as a used car salesman he replied "Oh it's just low on gas, don't worry about it."

I told him to call when he had a key quote, and could show me the PPI, and the aircon working, and filled with dye to show leaks. He didn't seem happy. I told him that if he did all those things, and came down R5000 on the price, I would test drive it, and if I liked the way it drove, I would buy it and pay for the aircon refill and the key. Then he smiled.

We will see, there are a few more cars for me to look at tomorrow.

The Surgeon called and wants to see me tomorrow, I quickly told him about the leg hurting. I don't think he cared.

I also got a missed call from a lady that does refitting cars for amputees.  I should call her.

At the chemist I met a guy with a prosthesis. We chatted for about 20 minutes. He was in a wheel chair, wearing the prosthesis. I asked why he wasn't walking on it. He says he can, but only for about 50 meters. His car was in the parking lot, so he uses a wheel chair. He was a below the knee left leg. He had a very fancy ankle and foot. He said he got them from the factory near my house. He said that he has been to 3 different prosthesis guys, and the one I have is by far the best.

Tomorrow is grab bar installing, blood test, Doctor appointment, and car shopping.

Another busy day.
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Day 73 - A Lazy Sunday

I only took a half a sleeping pill last night. That will be the plan tonight also. It was a very normal night, and I got up early feeling refreshed.

The one grab bar by the toilet feels like a good thing. There should be another by the toilet, and a few in the shower. I walked to the mall today. 6.2km. I looked at raised toilet seats, and bought two more grab rails.
I almost bought a raised toilet seat, but wasn't sure if Maddie would want to use one, so I needed one that goes on and off easily. The height worried me, so when back home I stacked books as a test to the same height as the one I think will be best. It is a good height for me. I'll buy it tomorrow.

While walking today, I was thinking how, when I introduce myself and my cancer type at chemo, none of the other cancer patients have ever heard of Angiosarcoma. I would like more people to know about it.

People think that cancer is cancer. Some cancers are trivial and not threatening at all, and some are very aggressive. Angiosarcoma has to be one of the worst.

So here is a short course on cancers, so you can be informed, and inform others.

Difference between sarcoma, and cancer.

Characteristics of Carcinomas

• Most common cancers in the world
• Comprise more than 90 percent of all cancers
• Primarily affect people age 50 or older
• Spread throughout body through blood and lymph
• May spread to lymph nodes, lungs and bones

  Carcinomas, originate in epithelial (like the lining of lungs) tissue.
Carcinomas include cancers of the breast, lung, kidney, colon, prostate, stomach and many other soft tissues.


Characteristics of Sarcomas

• Comprise about only 1 percent of all cancers
• Affect both young and old people
• Grow in ball-like masses
• Spread by satellite nodules
• May spread to lungs

Sarcomas are a rare form of cancerous tumors of the connective tissues.  Normal connective tissue include, fat, blood vessels, nerves, bones, muscles, deep skin tissues, and cartilage.

 Angiosarcomas - Angiosarcomas represent 1% of all sarcomas. It starts inside the veins. That makes it spread very quickly. One-third of the cases occur on the skin like mine did . Angiosarcoma is a type of Soft Tissue Sarcoma.
According to the National Cancer Institute, there are approximately 11,280 new cases of soft tissue sarcoma in the United States each year and approximately 3,900 people die from it each year.

The most successful treatment for angiosarcoma is amputation of the affected limb. Chemotherapy may be administered if there is metastatic disease. If there is no evidence of metastasis beyond the limb,  chemotherapy may be given anyway due to the possibility of micrometastatic tumors, again like me. Evidence supporting the effectiveness of chemotherapy is, in many cases, unclear due to a wide variety of factors and rarity of angiosarcoma. However, there is some evidence to suggest that drugs such as paclitaxel (what I get), doxorubicin, ifosfamide, and gemcitabine slow tumor activity.

There is also Basil cell and Squamous cell carcinomas, but these grow slowly, and do not metastasize.

When talking with the dietitian, I thought about how I have terminal cancer, and they are chopping my leg off to try to slow it down, and she thinks I should eat another egg for breakfast. She doesn't see the elephant in the room.

I managed to hook up my refrigerator and washing machine to the solar inverter. I'll do laundry in the morning after the sun starts shining.

Day 72 - Long blog. Amputation Team Talks

07:35
I slept well, and and up by 7. I need to eat something and take all my pills. I should be doing my exercises. I had sciatica this morning. First time in a long time. I blame the position I was in when I fell asleep on the bed yesterday after the doctors appointments.
 I have an exercise sheet by the physiotherapist and should be doing those now.
My back needs care. A bad back and losing a leg could be a bad combination.
I wanted to install my new solar inverter today, but first need to rewire my solar panels and batteries.
I just tried to get up from the toilet, not using my left leg. No way.
I want to write all about the conversations with the amputation people yesterday.
It is cold this morning, and have on a track suit.
 The place where I live is 40 sq/ms. (360 sq/ft). That is about the size of Maddie's bedroom where she stays now. I need to make more room somehow.
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18:00
I'm tired and it will be an early night.

I managed to install a grab rail by the toilet. It is strong, but two are needed. Just one grab rail, on one side only, is not ideal. Getting up using only the one leg is possible, but not easy. I'll install another grab rail tomorrow.

My new solar inverter installed and working. At least I think it is working. I had to rewire the panels and batteries in series instead of parallel, because the new system is 24 volts instead of 12 volts.
A few minutes ago, the solar panels were supplying the house, even though the sun was almost set. Then I turned on the computers and fans. The solar panels could not handle that load. The box switched to the batteries and they came online via the inverter. But they have not been on charge all day, so they soon complained, and the box switched over to the grid. The lights never even flickered or blinked. Solar continued to charge the batteries while the grid supplied the house. Then the sun set, and the grid started charging the batteries as well as the house. Tomorrow will tell the whole story when the  sun comes up onto the panels.

There are numerous advantages to having a planned amputation. The prosthesis guy said the main reason more above knee amputation people don't use prosthesis (only 20% do) is because a prosthesis requires muscles that they had never used. The first experiences are not pleasant or productive. Hamstrings and quadriceps are no longer hooked to anything that moves, so they do nothing. Many people keep trying to use them, and that is frustrating. The muscle that moves the prosthesis forward are your hip flexors, and the glutamus move the leg backwards. With advanced notice, like I have, I can work on strengthening those muscles before the operation.

Yesterday I had 5 interviews. The surgeon was in surgery, but left a message that he still didn't yet have the new PET scan pictures.

1. Dietitian - I told her my full story from scorpion to now. She listened, and wrote down everything about my eating.  She looked at all my blood test results. Bottom line was she wants me to eat more eggs and protein. Sort of a waste of time talking to her. Maddie has been telling me to eat more protein for months.

2. Psychologist - Again, the full story from scorpion to now. She said that I seemed to have the right attitude, and the right amount of anger and the right amount of sadness. I told her that the thing that bothers me most, is that even getting through all the amputation palaver, I still have Angiosarcoma. The whole leg thing is almost trivial compared to the Angiosarcoma.
 If there was no Angiosarcoma at all, and I still had to lose the leg, I would tell them to take the leg, let me heal, give me a prosthesis, and get out of my way, because I have a life to live. The Angiosarcoma is the elephant in the room whenever I talk to these amputation people.

3. Pysiotherapist - She will be in charge of my exercises, and getting me ready after the amputation. She then sort of passes me off to the next lady.

4. Occupational Therapist - This seems to be the person I will have most contact with after surgery. She teaches the new life. From toilet use, crutches, wheel chair, driving, and to using the prosthesis. She says she works very close with the prosthesis guys. They handle the mechanics, and she handles the skills.  She said that some times the two groups overlap and I may feel like I don't know who to talk to. In that case I should talk to both.
She gave me a list of stuff I should do now.
  Think about a different car. One that has an automatic transmission should be all I need, since it is my left leg that will be amputated.
 She advised that I now try many daily tasks using only my right leg.
 She advised I get a toilet seat extension to raise up the seat.
 She suggested grab bars for the toilet, and the shower. Also non slip strips on the shower floor, and a shower chair.
I tried some things today with only the right leg. It is very hard.  I absolutely cannot get up from the toilet with just the one leg.
I tried to get to some boxes in the shed. I couldn't move the tool box. I couldn't move the ladder. With two legs, I can do all those with a cup of coffee in my hand. With one leg I could do nothing, even with both hands.
She said I will get tired of her talking about COB. Center Of Balance. So many people start moving around after an amputation by hopping, or using crutches like three legs. She says if I want to learn the prosthesis soonest, I will use a walker more than crutches, and almost never a wheel chair, and use the good leg to take half of my weight, never all of it. So when I get a prosthesis I will automatically put half my weight on it, and half on the good leg. If I do that then I am 90% of the way to independence with the prosthesis.
 I will surely listen to this lady. She talks sense.

5. Prosthesis guy - Cool dude. Passionate about prosthesis technology. We chatted a long time. He was there with his assistant.
First thing he asked was which Medical Aid I am on. I told him Discovery Classic Priority. He and the assistant smiled. He says I am on a very prosthetic friendly plan. This plan even has a yearly maintenance and upgrade payment for prosthesis. Discovery says that proper full time use of a prosthesis actually lowers overall health costs. They say that if you actually use the prosthesis, then you will want a better one every year.
He explained that modern prosthesis are modular. I will have a socket, knee, shaft, ankle, and foot. Cheaper feet don't have ankles.
Medical Aid will not pay for the best in each. They pay for just below average. He says that the stump socket is by far the most important. If it fits poorly, or causes pain, then all the other fancy stuff is useless. He will spend all the money from the medical aid that is necessary on the socket, then we will use the money left over for the other things.
He explained how a golf leg is useless for walking, and a walking leg is useless for sports. He has one customer that does roofing. He says he can build a leg to do anything, but nobody can build a leg for everything.
After talking to me, he was happy to say that an unlimited walking prosthesis is one of the cheapest. He said that a good foot is more important than a good knee for unlimited walking. He has one customer that had an above the knee amputation that just hiked the Fish River Canyon. That is a 90 km, 6 day, sandy, and rocky, carry all your own food and camping gear hike.
 He said just be glad I don't play squash. That is big bucks.
 He said they have loaner knees and feet. If I come past the factory, they will be able to loan a different foot or knee for me to test. I asked where the factory is. What luck. It is about 1km from my house. He laughed and said he expects to see me every few weeks to try some different knee or foot. They keep about 15 different knees in stock for tryouts, and about 10 different feet. I can see me there every week to try something different. It takes about 15 minutes to change a knee or foot.
I am excited, but then I remember, that there is still that elephant in the room.
He said he was thrilled that I am a computer, Arduino, aircraft mechanic kind of guy. He says that is good because there is nothing that will be magic or complex about the prosthesis. I'll also be able to trouble shoot 99% of it by myself.
I asked him how long it would be after the operation before I could get a prosthesis. He said his quickest customer walked without a cane or crutches after 15 days. The average is 3 months, and if there are any complications, it can take years.
He said I will be much better prepared because I know what is happening. Most people wake up without a leg after an auto accident. They have a long way before they are ready.
I asked why there is only a 50% survival rate after 12 months from through-knee amputations.
And there was the elephant!
 In a trauma accident amputation they usually can't do a through-knee amputation.  Only with a planned amputation, is through-knee most common, and therefore, there is some underlying reason or disease to do something so dramatic as a leg amputation. Most planned through-knee amputations are done on very sick people.
 I asked what I could do to ensure a quick and successful transition to the prosthesis. He said that I have the right mental attitude, motivation, and good physical strength. He said to do all the exercises the occupational therapist says.
He says the biggest delay to getting a healthy stump, is falling. He say a large portion of his clients do something like jump out of bed to go pee and forget they have lost the leg, and fall on the stump. This causes trauma to a delicate, healing stump. A fall can delay the prosthetic process by months. He says the occupational therapist will suggest things like sides to the bed, and maybe even tying yourself when sitting, so you can't move out of a chair till you untie your self, or other tricks like that.

Wow this was a long blog.
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Day 71 - Four Doctor appointments today

02:21
I slept very well from about 22:30 till now. Now I am awake. I just made some hot milk Horlicks.

In South Africa there are 3 different types of hot milk drinks. Milo, Hot Chocolate, and Horlicks. Horlicks is usually for bed time, and Milo is for morning, and hot chocolate is for getting fat :-)

Tomorrow at noon I have 4 doctor appointments.
12:00 with a shrink. This is required by medical aid to see if I truley understand whats happening to me.
12:30 with a physio guy.
13:00 with a prosthesis guy.
13:30 with the surgeon to book the surgery.

I was thinking about talking with the shrink. I should just have her read my blog. I have told all and not held back. Probably it would show a more reliable indicator of my "state of mind" than a chat with a stranger. The physio guy will be not so productive. The physio for my back helped about 1/10th as much as a biokinetisist did.  Physio is a good thing to help learn to walk without a leg. I'll do it, and it will help during the recovery phase.

 Talking to the prosthesis guy will be the highlight. Can I build one myself? I bet with a 3D  printer, and an Arduino I could build a pretty good prosthesis. I have also done fiberglass molding.
I was thinking that if you made a hinge knee, with like a brake pad on the hinge shaft, so that when pressure was put on the artificial heal, it was like applying the brakes on a car or bicycle, and the rocking of the foot forward as you walk, the toe push off, would release the brake. That would allow a stiff leg when putting weight on it, and a floppy leg with no weight on it. By varying the amount of friction, I could control the rate of the leg swinging forward. With proper geometry, or using a small olio strut, the removal of weight for the swing forward could also make the leg a bit shorter to swing forward unobstructed. This is all simple to build and design. I have over hauled many olio struts on aircraft, and made a few tight fitting fiberglass molds, like for the socket to fit the stump. The brake system could be a simple hydraulic brake like a bicycle, or maybe just a push rod.

I have read a lot about the through-knee operations, and recovery from them. The statistics don't look good. Only about 20% of the people ever succeed in using a prosthesis. Only 50% live for 12 months or longer. It is not a trivial operation. Add Angiosarcoma to that, and I think I am a "Dead Man Walking"......well sort of walking.
  Not even a good movie type of stroll with a priest to the gas chamber.  More like clumping with crutches, or in a wheel chair. "Dead Man Rolling" may be a better phrase.

I only have till the operation to get my solar system working the way I want for the long term future. I can't see me walking around on the roof for awhile. Like maybe never again! I had my friend order a solar box. It is an MPPT solar charge controller,  a house UPS, a battery charger, a 2400watt pure sign wave inverter, and a computerized relay to control whether the batteries are charged with solar or off the grid.  I could use it with the system I have now, but would be much better with more solar panels, and nice solar batteries. If I had a kilowatt more of panels and 2 x 105AH batteries, I could run my microwave, kettle, refrigerator, washing machine, and the geyser (hot water heater) Of course only one at a time. But that would be 100% off grid living.
As a practical investment, not such a good idea. Return on that investment would take 7 to 9 years.

My Fantasy Football team is now in 3rd place. Three wins in a row. I missed the first two games with the strong chemo. Now I am ready to kick ass for game 6.

I am glad I don't have to read these blogs, just write them. I have the easier job.
It is 04:17, let me try sleep again.
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21:00
A very long day, and I am tired.
I had a talk with the team that will do the amputation.
Over all it was an informative day. Way to much to tell now, as I am very tired.

I did not get to see the surgeon. He was in surgery. He will call on Monday.

My friend brought by a solar inverter I ordered. He picked it up for me. I hope that is my weekend project.

I'll explain all about my talks with the team in tomorrows blog. For now good night.
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Day 70 - Bad chemo reactions

Whew...This chemo was a bad one. Some seem worse. I am sure dosages have a lot to do with it, but there must be other factors. I slept 14 hours, and need a nap.

Yesterdays dosages were:

I just tried to find the paper the chemo lady gave showing all doses that she gave yesterday. I had asked her for it.
In my file folder where all cancer papers are located the little tabs showing contents of each section were all missing. So I needed to make some. I couldn't find scissors. So I used my hair cutting ones, then I needed paper, but wanted coffee first.
  So I made coffee. Then needed a spoon to stir it. (I never stir coffee, as I drink it black) I looked on the silverware rack for a spoon, in the sink, and in the drying rack. No spoons at all, every spoon in the house had disappeared. I looked by the computer, in the drawers, and all over the tables. No spoons. So I used a fork.
After, I went to wash off the fork, and found 3 spoons in the sink. When I put the fork in the drying rack I found 3 more spoons. Then I remembered the silverware rack, and there were 3 spoons.  My brain had falsely remembered that I needed a spoon, but had forgot what a spoon looked like.
I took my coffee and paper and scissors to the table to make tabs for my folder, and saw that there were already well labeled tabs on each section of the folder.
  Now I ask you a question. Would you want to live in a world, where your brain worked like that?  Or is it time for the next great adventure?  I worry that the next life will be even worse than this one, so I am not yet ready to risk going there.
 A WhatsApp from Maddie reminded me that this is just chemo brain, and I should go nap.
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13:00
After nap
I was going to delete the previous part of this blog, as it is just a stupid thing to write about. I decided to leave it as it was my true thoughts at the time.

 It is such a beautiful day out clear, sunny, with a light breeze. I am still inside, with the alarm still set, and in my underwear. Angiosarcoma and chemo have robbed me of this beautiful day. That is so sad.

Yesterday's doses were:
Paclitaxel      - 132mg   -  Main Cancer fighter

Dexona         - 4mg       -  dexamethasone is a  corticosteroids. It  reduces inflammation and other allergic reactions.

Onicit            - .25mg   - used in the prevention and treatment of chemotherapy-induced nausea and vomiting.
Cimetidine    - 200mg  - used to treat ulcers, gastroesophageal reflux disease, and heartburn 

Zofer             - 4mg      - prevents nausea after chemo. Taken with the Onicit.

So I had three small bags before the main chemo. The lady puts in the correct dosages, then fills the bags with saline solution. I feel nothing from these. After those, she gives the Paclitaxel. That is the bad stuff.

I have such a long list of things I want to do today.
Find and buy a car,
Set up an IPv6 tunnel,
Buy a new inverter for my solar system,

But maybe a short nap, then a short walk.
 --
18:00
I just got home. I think walking helps move the chemo out of the system, or at least move it around. So with a tired body I started walking to the Chinese mall about 4 km away. After about a 1km I realized that was not going to happen, so I diverted to another closer mall.  I bought some fish on special and walked back. 5 km total. I am very tired. I can walk 5 km on a leg that must come off? Where is the rectitude in that?   FUAS.  Such a shame.
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Maddie - First post on Dan's Blog.

I'm Maddie, Dan's girlfriend. I stay in George, Southern Cape, South Africa.

My plan is to fly up to Johannesburg, two days before Dan's amputation, to support and care for him the best I can.  I'm not a nurse, but I'm prepared and willing to be my dear friend's caregiver.

As his caregiver, I see my role as follows:
- be a good listener, when he needs to talk.
- drive him to the hospital, doctor's and physio appointments.
- prepare him nutritious meals and make super healthy smoothies.
- do his shopping and laundry.
- write his blog on his behalf, when he's not able to.
- lift his spirit and be medicine for his soul.

I care deeply for my friend.  I realize the future challenges awaiting him, but I've got confidence in him.  He's a survivor through and through and will get through this difficult time with courage and strong willpower.

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