Friday, 30 September 2016

Sep 30 2016 - Another new socket...No.10

I have been wearing my latest socket quite a bit. It is very uncomfortable, but...
IT DOES NOT CAUSE PAIN!!!!

It is hard to explain the importance of that to me.

The end of my stump that is farthest from the body center, is called the "distal" end. Actually, distal is the farthest of anything from the center of the body. Proximal is the end closest to the center of the body.
This is Doctor talk, but does help is being precise about body directions.

The problems of my stump are mostly at the distal end. Pressure on the distal end is very painful. If the skin on the stump is pulled toward the hip (Proximaly), it puts pressure on the distal end. So when donning (that is medical talk for "putting on")  a socket, the friction force on the skin, toward the proximal end of the stump, causes skin to pull and puts pressure on the distal end. Of course this is also a factor when my entire body weight is on the stump inside the socket.

This latest socket is kind of weird. My stump is about 35 cm long (14 in). This socket is build so that the most distal half of my stump is not in contact with the socket. The distal end just floats around like a clanger in a bell. This means that 100% of by body weight is supported on just 15 cm (6 in) of the proximal end of the stump. By putting all the weight up high on my thigh fat, it makes the pain on the distal end zero. Having all the weight concentrated is a small area is not comfortable. Like wearing shoes that are way to small.

The big problem with having the distal end floating, is proprioception.
Wiki says:
proprioception pro·pri·o·cep·tion (prō'prē-ō-sěp'shən) 
n. 
The unconscious perception of movement and spatial orientation arising from stimuli within the body itself.


Proprioception is deteriorated with drugs and alcohol. That is why traffic cops have you close your eyes and try to touch your nose with your fingers. 
By having the stump distal end floating, I loose track of, and have no feedback of, where the prosthetic leg is. I must walk slow, and watch where the leg is to know if it is in front and ready to have weight put on it.

I spent 4 hours at the prosthetic place today. We were determined to improve proprioception, comfort, and control. 
This socket needs me to wear a silicone liner against the stump skin. The socket is made of fiberglass and carbon fiber. Inside the socket is a thick plastic liner. It has the feeling of a small tire. It is flexible, but tough.

Here is me bending the inside liner of the socket with my thumb.

The inside liner is riveted to the fiberglass shell. The vacuum is formed between the flexible socket liner, and the silicone liner on my stump. That is what keeps the prosthetic leg from falling off when I take a step. So there is the stump, silicone liner, flexible liner, then fiberglass shell.

What we have been doing the last few days was putting pieces of thin foam between the flexible liner and the fiberglass shell. These foam pieces are used to push against the stump closer to the distal end, to increase proprioception. This works, BUT, the pieces of foam also increase the force needed to push the stump into the socket. The more foam, the more proprioception, but more pain. :-(

Today we cut big holes in the fiberglass shell, and put thick foam on the pieces cut out.
At first we had a ratchet assembly that pulled a stainless steel cable. This broke before we could get enough force.
Then we used my big hose clamps to pull the cut out pieces in tight once the stump is inside the socket. So the stump fits in the socket easy, THEN we add the force near the distal end to aid in proprioception and control. These movable pads put force on the femur, without putting force on the distal end.

When tight, there is a LOT of force on the stump sides. This steadies the femur and really gives me good control and it makes the whole prosthetic feel so much more like a part of my body.

The next thing we need to work on is the force required. When I release the clamps, I feel the blood rush into the stump.

But there is NO pain. I can go shopping and get in and out of the car easily.I wore the leg about 6 hours today.
--

I passed the learners test part of getting a South African drivers licence. Next is to get the car registered into my name from Maddie's name. She mailed me all the required documents express, registered mail, about 10 days ago. The post office advised me today that I can go collect the documents at the post office. 10 days for express mail to go 1300 km (600 miles).

To get the car in my name needs a roadworthy inspection. The tires won't pass because they are non standard. New tires are R3000. The one brake is leaking, and that is R1000. This money is coming out of the money set aside for plane tickets to go to America. Between this and the driving lessons, I have used half the ticket money. I am now way short of money. But being short of money, is nominal now days.

I decided I'll take the drivers licence road test, in my car. It is much easier to get in and out of than the driving schools cars. I have also removed the rest place for the left foot, to give my prosthetic leg more room. But first I need the car in my name.
--

Today at the pharmacy I chatted about an hour with a guy that works there. He is a right leg, above the knee amputee. It is so nice to hear someone complain exactly about the things, that I complain about. :-)

He has been using one of the very first bionic knees for about 10 years. An OttoBock C-Leg. He got a loaner unit for 2 weeks of an Ossur Rheo-3 knee with a bionic foot.
He said after a few days he was walking up and down stairs, and up and down steep slopes without a thought. He said for 20 years he has had to concentrate on walking, but with the Rheo bionic foot/knee combination he occasionally, actually forgot about the prosthetic leg.
He has had many falls in his 20 years of amputation. He has been hospitalized 3 times from falls. Usually when accidentally stepping backwards, and putting weight on the toe that breaks the leg loose, and it suddenly collapses. His wife has been with him all three times.
While wearing the loaner Rheo knee/foot combination they went to a party, and were standing talking to a guy, that was opening a beer. The beer squirted foam all over. He and his wife both jumped back. Then she screamed and reached for him, knowing he would fall. But the computer cut in and locked the knee, and he didn't even stumble. She looked at him and said "We are buying that leg."
That leg costs R850,000 ( $70,000). They are selling one of their rental houses to buy the leg. He is very excited.
He had to give the Rheo back after 2 weeks. He says his old bionic leg feels like an dangerous antique.
--

Saturday, 24 September 2016

Sep 24 2016 - Nightmares, and too much Thinking.

02:30
My good leg is itching.
My stump end hurts.
My lower back is needing constant stretching.
I'm hot.
I haven't shat for days.
My brain is doing way too much thinking about stuff it shouldn't think about.

At about 01:00 I woke up from a bad dream. On the airline flight to America, I had taken off the prosthetic leg to sleep, and some child had poured glue in the socket as a joke.

I awoke again at about 01:15. I was under arrest at airport security because I had a tool kit that I use to repair the prosthetic knee.

About 1:30 I dreamed I was on crutches in the RV in Florida.  Some friend were outside wanting in, to visit. I couldn't get to the main door to unlock it. I have to go down the narrow stairs to get to the door to unlock and open it. I can't get down the steps. I can't open the door with the crutch tips. So I sit on the floor and slide to the drivers door and open it. My friends enter the RV from the drivers door, but I am laying on the floor. They have to step over me. They remark how all the food they had bought with me three days ago, when I had landed at the airport, was still in the bags. I can't crutch, and carry stuff to the cupboard. Some of the food was starting to smell.
I still haven't hooked up water, sewage, or electricity. It is very cold in the RV.
I only have the RV for transport, and haven't even started it yet to see if it even runs. I have no cell phone sim card, so have not called any one to help me.

At 02:00 I awake to the song "Being done to soon." in my head. It is playing over and over in my head. Maybe I need a tattoo of the lyrics.

At 02:15 I get up, and turn the computer on.
I blame the nightmares because I watched "Brian's Song" on TV last night.

I fold my laundry.

I make hot milk Horliks. Maybe it will make me sleepy.

I start playing a computer game. But I can't concentrate.

I rub an anesthetic on my good leg, and massage my stump lots.

There are advantages, and disadvantages to being alone in life.
I can get up at 02:00 and nobody else gets inconvenienced, but also, nobody cares.
I don't have someone touching me when I don't want to be touched. But I also don't have someone to hug, when I need a hug.
I don't have to "report" my whereabouts to anyone, but there is also no one to care whether I got home OK or not.
There is no one to "bother" me when I want to be alone, but there is no one to call at 02:00 if I need some help.
Friends are a very good thing, but they are not right here, right now!

So maybe being in a bad relationship is better than not being in any relationship.
There should be some happy medium. Like someone living with you that is a very good friend.
Maybe I am thinking about things like this because my life situation has changed, and I am now more dependent on others than I have been in the past.

I desperately crave total independence, but I also need someone. Reconciling these two aspects of my life will probably never happen. I have never worked at improving the people skills needed for this to happen.

I don't know.

Now 05:30.. I'm going to try sleep again.




Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Sep 21 2016 - Socket 101

I am having to learn more and more about prosthetic socket design.

Socket design deals with the interface between carbon fiber/titanium, and the soft squishy parts. It is nowhere near as interesting to me as the bio-mechanical or electronic knees.

While socket design and building, is the less "sexy" part of prosthetic wear, it has the distinction of being the most important.
A comfortable, pain free socket will be worn all day.
An uncomfortable or painful socket will get little use.
I would more likely wear a good socket with a broomstick on the bottom, than I would wear a million Rand bionic leg that fit poorly.

A well designed bionic knee may be used by thousands of people, but because every stump is different, every socket must also be different. A prosthetic knee is science and technology. Designing and building a good prosthetic socket, is art.

For trans femur amputations, the shorter the femur, the less stump to attach a socket to. Every inch shorter the femur is cut, means almost 10% more energy required to walk on a prosthesis. That is one reason the Paralympics classification system can not ever work. Every stump is a different length.
All the top T-42 athletes (Amputation above the knee) are knee dis-articulation amputees. In a knee dis-articulation, the leg is amputated between the femur, and the shin bones. No thigh muscles are cut, and the femur remains intact. This also allows the full body weight to be applied to the end of the femur.
Before my amputation surgery, the Doctor and I discussed whether it would be necessary to cut my femur. It turned out I had a suspicious growth just above and behind the knee. It was decided to cut the whole suspicious section away, and that include about 1.5 inches of femur. This left me with a shortened femur, but a relative long, shortened femur. That extra length means more leverage in stump movement, and more area to attach a socket on to.

 There are basically three different socket design theories. Most sockets are a combination of all three designs:

1. Plug socket. This is what the peg leg pirates wore. Basically a cup that the stump fits into. Most of the body weight is supported not on the end of the stump, but on the fat around the top of the thigh. My last adjustable, socket with all the holes was like this. Usually plug sockets are held on to the stump with belts and straps.

2. Ischial containment socket. When you sit for a long time on a hard surface, (like stadium bleachers) discomfort comes from the pelvis bone pushing on the skin and muscles against the bench. This part of the pelvis that you sit on, is called the Ischial bone. An Ischial containment socket makes a small cup like platform on the top of the socket, that cups the Ischial bone. So while standing or walking, the body weight is on the Ischial bone, and not on the stump. These sockets are held on with suction between the end of the stump, and the socket. My old Texas flag socket was like this. It tried to keep all the weight off the stump, and put it onto the Ischial bone. As you can imagine, walking with the Ischial bone cupped, is not pleasant. Another uncomfortable thing with Ischial sockets is sitting down, because of the Ischial lip pushing into the thigh.

3. Quadrilateral socket.  This type of socket is sort of a square shape instead of being shaped like an oval. It tries to control and contain the movement of the femur within the stump. It puts much of the body weight on the skin and muscles of the stump. By me adding lots of thick foam pads in my last adjustable socket, I was turning a plug socket into a quadrilateral socket. These sockets are held on with suction, or vacuum.

Here is a picture comparing the Ischial socket, with the quadrilateral socket. Both are for a left stump, and the front of the stump is to the right of the picture.
You can see where I circled  the "seat" for the Ischial bone. Also see how the Quadrilateral squeezes the thigh to hold the femur from moving around.

Most modern sockets are a combination of all three types of socket designs.

Yesterday I spent a few hours at the prosthesis place. We looked at and talked about all my foam insertions in the socket that I wore over the weekend. I wore the prosthetic leg about 6 hours on Saturday, and 12 hours on Sunday. Being able to adjust the tightness was welcome when wearing it for long periods of time.
I felt more like I was wearing a crutch that fit on my stump, more than a walking prosthesis. The farthest I walked was to the mailbox, about 10 Meters. It caused no pain, but was very uncomfortable. If it was my permanent prosthesis, it would live in the closet, not on my stump.

Yesterday Bradley took another cast impression of my stump. He wants to build a quadrilateral-ish style socket. One that tightly controls my femur. Holding it in place and immobile. My femur tends to move in an outward, (Doctors call this Abduction) sideways direction when I put weight on the stump. The movement, while not painful will result in pain after a few hundred steps.

The previous sockets that I was able to do the 5km runs in, also strongly controlled the femur, but as my stump shrunk in length, the femur was forced into the stump end, and this soon made that type of socket painful, and hurt me inside the stump end. This put me in a wheelchair for a few months.

Then we tried the Ischial containment, which helped to reduce the pain from the socket on the stump end, but was very uncomfortable.

Today I go to Bradley again to try a new socket. This one will be more of a quadrilateral design. It will tightly control the femur, and at the same time not allow the femur to press against the stump end, by supporting my weight with use of a small Ischial cup, and the fat around the top of my thigh.
I guess you could say, that this socket I'll try today is 10% Ischial, 30% Plug, and 60% Quadrilateral. It will be held on with suction.
I will have to wear a different silicone liner. This one has a soft ridge around it to seal in the suction. This liner is thinner and larger than my other one. Much easier to put on. :-)

This may look a tad phallic, if your weird. :-)

Many people confuse "suction" with "vacuum".
Suction is caused by trying to remove something, from within something, without any way for air to get inside to replace what is being removed. Vacuum is when you actively remove the air from a container.
My sockets so far have been suction. As I push the stump down into the socket, the air is squished out. The design of the liner prevents any air from getting back into the socket, so a suction is formed between the end of the stump and the socket. There is a small valve at the bottom of the socket for the release of suction and allows air back into the socket. Otherwise I could never get the socket off.
Some very expensive, modern sockets are held on with vacuum, not suction. There is a small air pump that sucks air out of the socket. This "elevated vacuum" makes the entire stump swell to the exact shape of the socket. It gives a very firm and perfect fit between the stump and the socket.
There is so much R&D needed for medical equipment, and so few actual sales, that prices for all prosthetic hardware is very high. For me to buy an elevated vacuum system, I would first need to sell my house.
--


18:00
I am just back from Bradley's. My new socket feels great so far.

You can see the lip for the Ischial bone. It is about a 30% Ischial, 30% Plug, and 40% Quadrilateral.
The Ischial seat is great for standing, but rubs a bit while walking. My stump goes quite far down into the socket, but the Ischial lip stops any further going in.
I'll try it for a few weeks, then go back for a fitting. I am sure that wearing it lots will force the stump to shrink even more.

For the first time in many months, I am thinking about going to the USA I think if I had a good prosthesis that could be worn all the time, then getting around inside the RV would not be to hard. Showering would be just about impossible. I will need to do a sponge bath.
I can't wait for tomorrow when I can play with the new socket a bit.
I am excited.....
--

Thursday, 15 September 2016

Sept 15 2016 - New socket, Driving, Paralympics.

I spent yesterday at the prosthesis place. They built a new socket. It is a very complicated socket. Slit right down the front, and held closed tight with velcro. The velcro wasn't strong enough, so I added a big hose clamp also.

 The new socket is not as light as you would think with all the holes in it. The remaining part is thick and strong. It is made to be worn with a thick plastic fexible inner liner. Eventually the liner should be permanently attached to the socket.
One major problem we have now is that my skin sticks to the liner. Which is good to keep it on tight, but bad for putting it on. My stump pain is bad when pushing the stump down into anything. So if the liner and the socket are attached, then I would have to push very hard to slide the skin against the liner. That is what we are trying to avoid. Lubrication is a bad idea because then the stump would also slide out of the liner easily.
My previous liner was a flexible silicone sleeve that sort of lived on the stump, and was used to form a vacuum between the liner and the socket. As you can see, it would be hard to form a vacuum with all the holes in the new socket, so the vacuum is between my skin and the plastic liner, then the liner somehow attaches tightly to the socket.
This afternoon, I went for a short shopping walk in the local shop. I needed food. The whole apparatus was very uncomfortable. There was no pain, but the intense desire to remove the leg right there in the store was hard to resist. With no way to securely attach the liner to the socket, the liner was sometimes loose. In the store, reaching for garbage bags, the socket and leg fell off. The liner was still on tight, so I was able to put the socket back on. But it never got on tight enough again to walk on. It was like I had a crutch on my hip. I sort of shuffled the rest of the way through the store to the car. I didn't get some of the stuff I needed.

Tonight I am cutting pieces of foam to fit inside the socket to make it more comfortable



Bradley gave me many types, and thicknesses of foam.
The next big thing is to get the socket and liner to stay together. Some sort of clamp or snap, or something.
I don't see anyway to "not", put the liner on before inserting it into the socket.
My stump didn't pain me today, but right now it is not feeling very pleasant. It is funny to me to be so uncomfortable, without real pain. I fear it takes strain in ways, I hadn't thought about.
 But with all the problems, I was able to do my shopping on my own. A big step for me.

After a few days of playing with the foam to make the socket more comfortable, I think they will build a new socket similar to this one, but with extra thick carbon fiber where I now have the pads.
--

The driving school collected me this morning at 04:45.
We went to the Traffic department test center. I was 12th in line. Before they opened at 08:00 there must have been 5 hundred people in the line.
I did my eye test, and then paid lots of money, and got a date to take the learners exam. 28 Sept at 10:00.
 I have 13 days to study. If I pass the learners exam, then the next day I will go and book a date for the driving test.
I talked to some of the guys there. One was going to take his driving test today...for the third time. He booked 3 weeks before. After his flunks, he had to re-book. Once was a wait of 5 weeks between tests. He first booked his learners test in mid June. 3 Months and 6 full days of testing. What a waste of human time.

--
I have been watching the Paralympics. One of the largest Prosthetic makers "Otto Bock" does charitable emergency repairs of prosthetics at the Paralympics. So far this year:

Repairs by equipment
Wheelchairs: 2245
Prosthetics: 348
Orthotics: 134
Repairs by Sport
Athletics: 385
Wheelchair Basketball: 258
Wheelchair Tennis: 163
Powerlifting: 140
Swimming: 122
Total Games repairs so far: 2727

They talked about how the Paralympics is becoming all about technology, science, and electronics.

If a prosthesis becomes an essential part of who you are, then it would be part of what makes you, you. Biology alone will no longer define a human being.

Nerves transmit muscle signals at 119 meters per second.
Nerves transmit pain signals at a very slow .6 meters per second.
Nerves transmit touch signals at 76 meters per second.
What if you had a brain interface that detected a thought for a muscle movement, changed that signal into an electric signal, and sent that signal to a muscle via wires at almost the speed of light. You could have reflexes that are thousands of times faster than a normal human. Tennis anyone?

What if you had a system (like a SCUBA system re-breather) that could inject oxygenated blood cells directly into your blood stream. You could hold your breath for hours.

What if your artificial heart had a boost function to speed up the flow of blood throughout the body.

What if you had a helmet that could measure brain functions, and could generate these function. An athlete could then use this to stop pain signals. Professional football players would love that.

A fancy prosthetic electronic knee could evolve into a leg system...into a lower body system, into a complete body system. So a completely paralyzed person could be an athlete...or a super athlete.

 Now blind people "drive" to the shops in driver-less cars. Putting the same electronics on the head, could allow a blind person to walk to the store unaided.

Soon a blind, paralyzed person will be able to kick ass in ping pong.
Pure biological people will be severely disadvantaged in the near future.

--

Monday, 12 September 2016

Sep 12 2016 - Dying Friendships


I am growing apart from many of my good friends. The things that we once had in common, are fading away. I blame myself, and the fact that I have such a lack of commitment, and a short attention span.
"Always tired of things that are, and want the strange and new."

At various times in my life I have learned and understood electronic OpAmps. The last time was a few years ago. Now I need to know about OpAmps for a project I want to build. But I have forgotten all about them. Do I want to spend many hours of my life, to learn something "again", that I won't use for another few years, and I will have forgotten by the time I need it again?
At various times in my life I have learned and understood DNSSEC.
At various times in my life I have learned and understood fast motorcycles, world finance, aircraft, IPv6, programming, and meditation.

Because I am always trying new things, and never stick to one thing, I am a master, of nothing.
If I had kept to one path, I could have gone far. Most of my friends are masters of some skill or trade. I greatly envy, and admire them for sticking to what they know best.

Now my life is about learning cancer and prosthetic knees. None of my friends need that knowledge. It is not a topic that we naturally share. But because they are good friends, they do learn and share these things with me. They learn about these things only because these things affect me. It shows how good friends, they actually are.

The things I used to have in common with friends and loved ones, are disappearing, or no longer there. It is a real strain on a friendship when there is no common ground such as hobbies or passions.
Some people have been my very good friends for a long time, but now it seems the binding I have with them, is mostly out of habit. I no longer have anything to share or contribute to the friendship, and... I am losing them.
Some friends have decided that the lack of anything we have in common, is reason for them to move on in life, and search for other friends.
 I fear more of my friends, will follow that same path.

--
There is not much worse than a sad, and boring blog.
So, on a lighter note:

I am well into fantasy football.
American football season got going yesterday.  There were 13 games. YEEHAA!! I am playing two teams this year.
Some Fantasy Football money sites now take Bitcoins.

Here are some Fantasy Football news quotes...

"Spending & Saving Tracker said 74.7 million Americans plan to participate in fantasy football this year, spending $4.6 billion."

"In 2006, the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act (UIEGA) banned online poker, but left out fantasy sports. Wagering money on fantasy sports, was deemed a game of skill – requiring knowledge of players’ likely performances – and not a game of chance."

There is a new real, actual, player, a rookie, that I ended up with in the draft. I wasn't happy with him, but he was all that was left. Then another team in my league tried to trade for him. I thought they were crazy, but before I could do the trade, "another" team also tried to trade for him. I decided that maybe he was more valuable than I had originally thought, and so I kept him.
My teams just barely won both of their games this weekend. :-) The player I almost traded away gave me the few extra points needed to win. He is now my hero. :-) I don't even know what he looks like.
Fantasy football is the ultimate non racial sport. Nothing matters except performance and statistics.

--
Here is an interesting article:
https://www.rio2016.com/en/paralympics/news/marieke-vervoort-euthanasia-paralympics-belgian-athlete-paralympian-wheelchair-racer-rio-2016

--

Friday, 9 September 2016

Sep 05-09 2016 - Pipe legs and Driving

Sept 05 2016
I have been trying to find a way of standing to do dishes, that does not entail balancing on one leg. I came up with a piece of PVC piping that my stump fits into, and I flared the top. You can laugh, :-) but I can stand for hours now.

I also have been working on designing a socket that allows for stump volume variations. By being able to vary the volume, I can keep it tight all the time. I built this.

Again, you can laugh, BUT,... it does not hurt. No Pain. Next is to get both together, and then make a way for the pipe not to fall off when I take a step.

Online I found a socket that looks like it would work, but they want house prices for these things.


--
Sep 06 2016
I went to the prosthetic place today. I told Bradley (my prosthesist) That I want a pain free walking leg by the end of the month. We discussed many, many options.
He made another cast to make another socket. It should be ready by Friday.
We plan on making this socket like a normal solid socket, but without an end on it, so the bottom is open, and also put a slit down the side, and use clamps to tighten it on tight.
I think the best clamps/straps will be similar to ski boot bindings.

My stump pain seems to be increasing, not decreasing. I think the stump is shrinking in length, which put all the muscles, scars, and skin at the end more forceful against the bone end.
--
Sep 08 2016
I spent a few hours with the surgeon today. He thinks we might somehow "pull" the stump end to stretch the muscles and skin to relieve some of the force on the end of the bone.
We need to think on that.

--
Sep 09 2016
I'm just back from a few hours with Bradley, the prosthesist. We tried on the new socket. It is similar to the old , hard sockets, but is split down the side to allow adjusting it's volume.
He left the bottom end closed, but wide enough that the stump never touches the bottom part. That way we can still apply a vacuum to the bottom of the stump if needed.
The socket was very tight at the top, and floppy at the bottom. Just like it should be. It caused no pain. He had made this one out of very transparent plastic, to allow seeing where it is tight and where loose by noting skin color.
Hopefully I'll walk away on the new socket next Wednesday.

This whole cancer/amputation thing has resulted in me staying away from Texas for so long that my Texas drivers licence is expiring. It will be cheaper for me to get a South African license, than to travel to the states to get a new Texas one.
I now get to experience the South African bureaucracy first hand. 100% bureaucratic bullshit. It should take a month or two. depending on how many times I flunk the driving test. Without bribing, it usually take a few flunks. Flunks pump up the stats for the inspectors to prove how hard they work, and how many tests they have to do each month.
I just chatted with a lady that flunked her driving test 7 times. Seven is a lot even for South Africa. Three seems to be about average.
I have to first get a learners permit, then I can apply to take the driving test.
--
I just had coffee with a friend at a local restaurant. It was nice to get out and interact a bit.

I have been looking at the paralympics. I look at all the people competing, and find someone worse off than me. Then I look more, and find someone worse off than that person.  Then look some more, and find someone even worse off than that person. It seems there is always someone worse off than someone else. Which I guess really means that I am MUCH better off than so many others.

I read some good observations regarding the Paralympics:

 We could see blind runners taking a course unaided thanks to headsets which can watch for hurdles as well as providing left and right instructions.
(The step from driverless cars, to blind people walking, is not a large step.)

Actually our wheel chairs are like Formula One cars; they're the absolute cutting edge of technology. Thanks to carbon-fibre chairs and precise engineering, the wheel chair weight is down to just 2kg. 
(Mine weighs 18kg.)

The Paralympics is wedded to science and technology. In the paralympics charter, science is a huge part of it. It’s all about enhancement, it’s all about making people better. 
(Able bodied people will soon need body enhancements, or get left behind by disabled people.)

The ‘Brain Sled’ was designed by engineering students at Imperial college, and uses electrical signals in the brain to ‘steer’ a sled in a bobsleigh event. Now we can have totally paralyzed people competing in sports. 
(Is this still an "athletic" competition?)

The current exoskeleton can only walk slowly, and the expensive, computer-controlled hydraulic machines is used to deliver the health benefits of walking to paralysed patients. 
(Isn't an exoskeleton just a step up from a fancy prosthetic knee?)

--





Sunday, 4 September 2016

Sep 4 2016 - Nightmares and Immortality.

A few mornings ago, I awoke from a nightmare at 03:30. I didn't sleep again till after 05:30.
In the nightmare, my body was covered by hundreds of Angiosarcoma tumors.

There is nothing I can do to prevent my death, and anything I do to delay death, seems to make my current existence less enjoyable.

Sallekhana is the spiritual detachment, and declaration that a person is finished with this world and has chosen to leave it. Usually because of old age, famine, or disease.
It is not suicide. No violence to the body. Just a choice to return the soul to the universe, from where it came.

Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. As I sit here and breath, my body heat is warming this room a bit. Therefore, it is also warming Africa (a tiny bit), and also warming the whole Earth (a very, tiny bit).
The growth of a cactus, on a ranch in Texas, is being affected, by my sitting at a computer in South Africa. (a very, super tiny bit).

 If I die right now, by having rearranged the distribution of energy, I have changed the world.
All my friends are changed. The energy my friends get from the earth, and from the air they breath, is different, because of me.

All the energy, and morality I put into this universe, will change everyone, and everything, till the end of time.
I am immortal. :-)

My immortality didn't keep Maddie from moving on with her life, and finding another man. She has paid her dues by taking care of a husband that died from cancer, then taking care of me, with cancer, and the losing of my leg.
If I was her, I would be looking for someone to take care of ME for a change. I wish her the best of luck with life.

Today I had to go get more prescription drugs at the pharmacy. It seemed like all the stupid and rude people in the world were also at the pharmacy. I came home, and there was no-one to tell about the stupid people. It takes a very intimate friend to care about what I did this day. Today's events were trivial, but I still wanted to share them.

I miss Maddie. :-(

--