Last night, Maddie and I had a long phone chat about the upcoming amputation. She will fly here a few days before, and nurse me. :-) She isn't a trained health care person, but she is great for the soul. Right now my soul needs as much care as my body does. It will be good to see her again, but I fear it will strain our relationship, as I am not a good person lately. If I don't like me, how can someone else?
A good friend dropped by last night on his way home from work, and we talked computers for a few hours. It is good to think about other things for a short while. But Angiosarcoma is still the predominant theme running through my mind.
We were talking about an IPv6 Firewall on a VPS that was misbehaving. It sure looked like it was configured properly. While discussing it, my mind would drift to other things, like will I be able to talk with him in a year, will VPS Firewalls be the last thing on my mind in a year. Aren't things like the lizard population in my back yard actually more important to this world that VPS firewalls? And what about amputations and artificial knee joints. How would the knee joint communicate with the ankle joint.Some of the artificial legs use high speed serial protocols, but most prosthesis are low tech rods and cables, even the ones that are called state of the art. "State of the art" in prosthesis is not very high tech compared with something that can be mass produced like your home WiFi router......Oh.... IPv6.....And my mind returns to my buddy talking.
It feels like chemo brain, but I have been chemo free for days now. I think it would probably take weeks to rid myself of the effects of chemo.
After he left, I took a sleeping pill and that gave me a good nights sleep. The best in weeks.
Today is chemo day. So in a few hours, I will be considering petting the dog, as a high tech procedure, that will require a lot of concentration to do properly. I hate stupid people. In a few hours I will be one. :-(
It is a cloudy day. My solar system is only giving me 2.4 amps. Yesterday it was around 10.4 by this time. I am going to admit defeat and switch the house to the grid. The solar won't even keep my laptop running. I do have the WiFi router running on the solar system. It only draws .7 amps.
I really want to be hooking up an IPv6 tunnel to the USA high speed internet backbone. But I think I will eat some steamed broccoli for breakfast instead. I also need to start a load of laundry.
--
22:00
I better be quick, I took a sleeping pill 25 minutes ago.
Chemo was chemo. I passed out in the chair, and the lady woke me up and said that she pulled the IV out 20 minutes ago, and they have cleaned everywhere, and want to go home. I've never been kicked out of Chemo facility before. It must be a first. Usually people zoom out of that place. :-)
I was very careful on the drive home. I should not have been driving. I stopped in a petrol station near the hospital and really thought about calling a taxi. But I just drive home. I'm glad I did.
I have started shopping for a car with an automatic transmission. It sure looks like a 1995-ish E220 Mercedes-Benz is about what I will be buying. Most are between R20,000 - R40,000. ( US$1500 and US$3000) A real petrol hog, but I usually only drive about 100 km/month so petrol is not that big a consideration when compared with ease of entry, initial cost and safety. Maintenance will be high, but only if it is things that "need" fixing, and not just squeaks and groans. It will only be a community car and will seldom go 100km/hr, or travel more that 10 km. I need to do this purchase soon, as I would much rather Maddie be driving around in a Mercedes that a beetle. I'm sure she would also. :-)
I had a long talk with the oncologist. She will go visit the surgeon and chat with him. Their offices are very close in the same complex.
I told her that I may have surgery next week, and she said she didn't think so.
The surgeon will want a week to 10 days for the white blood cell count to raise up a bit before any surgery, so he will probably cancel chemo for a week or two before surgery. Since the surgeon was very specific that we don't stop chemo, and don't lower the dosage for this week, he must think surgery will only be after 10 day to 2 weeks from now.
Maddie and I just talked. I have made her a contributing editor of my blog. So if I can not write for the day, she can tell people what is happening with me on the blog. She will be able to write her own blog on Kgwedi's Cancer blog site.
I hope we don't screw that up. :-)
It would be easy for one of us to write something, then the other correct a spelling mistake and wipe out what the other has written. We need to be careful.
I'm am drowsy. Heading for bed.
--
Wednesday, 14 October 2015
Tuesday, 13 October 2015
Day 68 - Amputations 101
I got up early after a poor nights sleep. I was wide awake when the alarm went off.
Right in front of my house is a road that is only open for a few hours a day. It is used to relieve the main road which is nearby of rush hour traffic. I know that at 07:30 the road is like a parking lot, so I wanted to leave early and be at the hospital by 06:30 and have a leisurely breakfast.
My appointment with the orthopedic surgeon was for 08:30. I was in the waiting room by 8, with all papers filled out.
The surgeon is Phillip. Nice guy. His sister lives in Houston Texas.
He looked at all my papers and pictures. We chatted a lot about my leg,
and the cancer growing in it.
We talked about the chemo. He said that Chemo can stop Angiosarcoma tumors from growing larger, but is not very good at killing the tumors. No matter how much chemo I get, the 5cm around each tumor still needs to be removed. Even if the chemo makes the tumors smaller, it will not reduce the distance that the cancer has already spread.
This type of cancer both spreads to surrounding tissue, but also metastasizes to far parts of the body.
While he was poking around, I was surprised to feel pain in quite a few spots, deep in the leg. I had never noticed that before. He did accurate measurements of the extent of the cancer tumors according to the PET scan. He is going to ask the PET scan people to redo the photos with accurate measurement on each picture.
He agreed that the removal of all tumors and surrounding tissue will result in very little skin or muscle left between the knee and the ankle. It would make the leg useless, and very infection prone, even with a skin graft.
There is a good chance that some of the cancer seeds have already spread throughout my body, but if the leg is left as is there will be thousands more of the "seeds" spread from the tumors, via the blood, to all parts of the body. So if there are like, only 5 seeds that have spread, those will be tumors that we will have to fight in future. If we leave the leg as is, there might be thousands of tumors to fight in future. Amputation is the only option, and therefore by definition, not an option, but a necessity.
He then mentioned that removing the leg may extend my life by years, but it does not change the diagnosis of Angiosarcoma.
He showed how much of the lower leg he needs to leave in order to be able to form a stump. I had sort of resigned myself to walking like Oscar Pistorius. Then he showed how much he would have to remove to get all the cancer. He will have to remove more leg than will allow a stump to mount a prosthesis on. That was bad news.
A lower leg prosthesis would cost about $50,000 USD for a good one that would allow unlimited walking. Now he was telling me that I did not even have that option.
The above the knee amputations mean that the prosthesis will require a knee joint. A good knee joint costs about $40,000 USD. That means that a good above-the-knee prosthesis will cost the current value of my house. I asked how much Medical Aid would pay. More bad news.
He then said that Medical Aid probably wouldn't pay for any prosthesis, even a below-the-knee one. They only pay for prosthesis if there may be future health complication by not having one. If a young guy has a trauma and the leg gets amputated, then the possibility of future complications becomes a concern to the Medical Aid. With a prosthesis he will less likely to develop back problems and obesity problems. He must still be employable to pay the Medical Aid premiums.
He also said that Medical Aid would probably not consider paying for a prosthesis for somebody with Angiosarcoma, because they would see it as a waste of time. In my case, lack of a prosthesis will have little effect on my long term health. His opinion is that Medical Aid will only pay for a wheel chair or crutches.
Then more bad news. Because Medical Aid would not pay for a prosthesis, there was no need to pay for the surgery required to be able to mount a prosthesis onto. Medical Aid would probably only pay for a through-knee amputation.
Amputation at the knee joint means that no thigh muscles or bones are cut. It leaves the femur 100% intact, and usually leaves the knee cap. This reduces the hospital time significantly because the healing is only the skin wounds and sutures. Unfortunately mounting a prosthesis on the old knee joint is hard to do.
The through-knee stump is not padded with muscle, only skin at the bottom of the femur. Also it is not tapered to allow a prosthesis stump socket. If a socket can be made, it will mean that the new artificial knee joint is a few inches below the real knee. Then both legs have knee joints in different places. This makes walking difficult, even with an expensive prosthesis.
There are more through-knee amputations now days. They are cheaper, and heal much quicker. Because of this, they are developing new ways to fit prosthesis for through-knee stumps. There are now web sites that promote through-knee amputations. That money saving can be spent on a better prosthesis.
We both agreed that removing all known cancer is the main goal. The secondary goal is life style.
So on Friday I have 4 appointments. One with a psychologist, and one with a physiotherapist. Both are required by Medical Aid. Then another with the prosthetic guy to get actual numbers, options, and actual Medical Aid info. Then with the surgeon, to book surgery.
They wanted to do the appointments tomorrow or Thursday. But tomorrow is chemo day, and I will probably sleep for a few days. I hope by Friday I will be able to drive there, and more important, to think well.
--
Right in front of my house is a road that is only open for a few hours a day. It is used to relieve the main road which is nearby of rush hour traffic. I know that at 07:30 the road is like a parking lot, so I wanted to leave early and be at the hospital by 06:30 and have a leisurely breakfast.
My appointment with the orthopedic surgeon was for 08:30. I was in the waiting room by 8, with all papers filled out.
The surgeon is Phillip. Nice guy. His sister lives in Houston Texas.
He looked at all my papers and pictures. We chatted a lot about my leg,
and the cancer growing in it.
We talked about the chemo. He said that Chemo can stop Angiosarcoma tumors from growing larger, but is not very good at killing the tumors. No matter how much chemo I get, the 5cm around each tumor still needs to be removed. Even if the chemo makes the tumors smaller, it will not reduce the distance that the cancer has already spread.
This type of cancer both spreads to surrounding tissue, but also metastasizes to far parts of the body.
While he was poking around, I was surprised to feel pain in quite a few spots, deep in the leg. I had never noticed that before. He did accurate measurements of the extent of the cancer tumors according to the PET scan. He is going to ask the PET scan people to redo the photos with accurate measurement on each picture.
He agreed that the removal of all tumors and surrounding tissue will result in very little skin or muscle left between the knee and the ankle. It would make the leg useless, and very infection prone, even with a skin graft.
There is a good chance that some of the cancer seeds have already spread throughout my body, but if the leg is left as is there will be thousands more of the "seeds" spread from the tumors, via the blood, to all parts of the body. So if there are like, only 5 seeds that have spread, those will be tumors that we will have to fight in future. If we leave the leg as is, there might be thousands of tumors to fight in future. Amputation is the only option, and therefore by definition, not an option, but a necessity.
He then mentioned that removing the leg may extend my life by years, but it does not change the diagnosis of Angiosarcoma.
He showed how much of the lower leg he needs to leave in order to be able to form a stump. I had sort of resigned myself to walking like Oscar Pistorius. Then he showed how much he would have to remove to get all the cancer. He will have to remove more leg than will allow a stump to mount a prosthesis on. That was bad news.
A lower leg prosthesis would cost about $50,000 USD for a good one that would allow unlimited walking. Now he was telling me that I did not even have that option.
The above the knee amputations mean that the prosthesis will require a knee joint. A good knee joint costs about $40,000 USD. That means that a good above-the-knee prosthesis will cost the current value of my house. I asked how much Medical Aid would pay. More bad news.
He then said that Medical Aid probably wouldn't pay for any prosthesis, even a below-the-knee one. They only pay for prosthesis if there may be future health complication by not having one. If a young guy has a trauma and the leg gets amputated, then the possibility of future complications becomes a concern to the Medical Aid. With a prosthesis he will less likely to develop back problems and obesity problems. He must still be employable to pay the Medical Aid premiums.
He also said that Medical Aid would probably not consider paying for a prosthesis for somebody with Angiosarcoma, because they would see it as a waste of time. In my case, lack of a prosthesis will have little effect on my long term health. His opinion is that Medical Aid will only pay for a wheel chair or crutches.
Then more bad news. Because Medical Aid would not pay for a prosthesis, there was no need to pay for the surgery required to be able to mount a prosthesis onto. Medical Aid would probably only pay for a through-knee amputation.
Amputation at the knee joint means that no thigh muscles or bones are cut. It leaves the femur 100% intact, and usually leaves the knee cap. This reduces the hospital time significantly because the healing is only the skin wounds and sutures. Unfortunately mounting a prosthesis on the old knee joint is hard to do.
The through-knee stump is not padded with muscle, only skin at the bottom of the femur. Also it is not tapered to allow a prosthesis stump socket. If a socket can be made, it will mean that the new artificial knee joint is a few inches below the real knee. Then both legs have knee joints in different places. This makes walking difficult, even with an expensive prosthesis.
There are more through-knee amputations now days. They are cheaper, and heal much quicker. Because of this, they are developing new ways to fit prosthesis for through-knee stumps. There are now web sites that promote through-knee amputations. That money saving can be spent on a better prosthesis.
We both agreed that removing all known cancer is the main goal. The secondary goal is life style.
So on Friday I have 4 appointments. One with a psychologist, and one with a physiotherapist. Both are required by Medical Aid. Then another with the prosthetic guy to get actual numbers, options, and actual Medical Aid info. Then with the surgeon, to book surgery.
They wanted to do the appointments tomorrow or Thursday. But tomorrow is chemo day, and I will probably sleep for a few days. I hope by Friday I will be able to drive there, and more important, to think well.
--
Monday, 12 October 2015
Day 67 - Talks with the surgeons
Wild awake at 2:21.
I decided I need some hot chocolate. Nice, with hot soya milk.
It is Sunday evening in the USA, and my Fantasy Football team is kicking ass WooHoo! So far 112 for the Kgwedi Super Dog team vs 33 for the other team.
I need to change my thinking about this whole sleep thing. It just IS what it is. I no longer sleep like other people do, I sleep like I do.
02:30, drinking hot chocolate and reading my book, is just the way it is. It isn't wrong, it just IS.
Of course I will have big problems when I try to interface with the real world :-)
That hot chocolate was great, so I just decided to have another one.
I am sure that if I search the internet enough, I will find a web site praising the cancer fighting qualities of hot chocolate. If I can't find one, I'll write one myself, just because I can. To quote Ayn Rand:
"The question isn't who is going to allow me; it's who is going to stop me."
Sure enough:
http://beatcancer.org/2014/02/top-7-dark-chocolate-health-benefits/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14363-5-things-you-need-to-know-about-chocolate-and-cancer/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2091627/Eating-chocolate-stave-bowel-cancer-say-scientists.html
That is one of the problems with doing research for Angiosarcoma on the internet. There is a farrago of pros and cons for every treatment, every symptom, and every cure. Sometimes, reality, or the truth, isn't even in there anywhere. I remember my oncologist telling me "Don't read blogs, and don't blog." Obviously I don't follow her directions to the letter.
Now 2 games of Sudoku later, and I will try sleep again. It is 03:37
--
14:00
Just back home from talk with Lady surgeon. She talked yesterday to two different angiosarcoma surgeons. Both said that if biopsy shows Angiosarcoma, and there is no metastasis, then remove all the cancer as soon as possible. Both looked at PET scan and both said amputate soonest.
The one is at a hospital far away (+-40km on other side of city), and the other is at a hospital only 8km from my house. We talked to the one at the hospital close. He opens at 09:00 in the morning, but said he will see me at 08:30 tomorrow morning, and to bring all my PET pictures, and biopsy results, and blood test results.
The Lady surgeon I talked to today is a very good soul. I like her. She is exactly how I think a Doctor should be.
The surgeon tomorrow is a cancer orthopedic specialist. He has shared surgery before with the Lady surgeon I like.
The Lady surgeon says that she would just be in the way if an amputation is for sure going to happen. Her expertise is in removing cancer with minimum damage to the surrounding body.
The orthopedic surgeon said that he should start a car dealership, as many of his patients trade in their manual transmission cars for automatic transmission cars. :-)
Since the only paper or pictures that I don't physically have are the ones from the lymphogram, I would try to get a copy of those. So before leaving the hospital, I decided to go to the biopsy surgeon, and see if he had copies for me. On the way there, I got lost. (It is a big hospital.) :-)
I accidentally walked past the place that did the lymphogram. I went in, to ask, if they knew where I could get copies. There, in a chair drinking coffee, was the lady that had done my lymphogram. I asked her, and she said that if I was not in a hurry, she would retrieve and copy everything for me. I sat for an hour, and she brought all the pictures, and the results. That was very nice of her. Thank you lady.
They injected a toxic dye between the toes. Then they took pictures every once in a while to see how the dye moved through the lymphatic system. You can see the way the dye moves up the legs, how it stops below the knee on the left leg, and how it moves freely up the right leg. Also notice that after 3 hours the dye from the right leg is all in the groin lymph glands. There is no dye in the left groin lymph nodes.
This complete lymphatic blockage may have helped to prevent the spread of the cancer into the lymphatic system.
As I was walking to the beetle, I decided to find exactly where the orthopedic surgeon's rooms are for tomorrow morning's appointment. I found them, and told the nice receptionist, that I would see her tomorrow. She smiled, asked if I was Mr. Wise, and said that she normally gets to work at 08:30 but tomorrow would be there from 08:00 just to be there when I arrive. That was a nice thing to hear. Some people do care. :-)
--
I decided I need some hot chocolate. Nice, with hot soya milk.
It is Sunday evening in the USA, and my Fantasy Football team is kicking ass WooHoo! So far 112 for the Kgwedi Super Dog team vs 33 for the other team.
I need to change my thinking about this whole sleep thing. It just IS what it is. I no longer sleep like other people do, I sleep like I do.
02:30, drinking hot chocolate and reading my book, is just the way it is. It isn't wrong, it just IS.
Of course I will have big problems when I try to interface with the real world :-)
That hot chocolate was great, so I just decided to have another one.
I am sure that if I search the internet enough, I will find a web site praising the cancer fighting qualities of hot chocolate. If I can't find one, I'll write one myself, just because I can. To quote Ayn Rand:
"The question isn't who is going to allow me; it's who is going to stop me."
Sure enough:
http://beatcancer.org/2014/02/top-7-dark-chocolate-health-benefits/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14363-5-things-you-need-to-know-about-chocolate-and-cancer/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2091627/Eating-chocolate-stave-bowel-cancer-say-scientists.html
That is one of the problems with doing research for Angiosarcoma on the internet. There is a farrago of pros and cons for every treatment, every symptom, and every cure. Sometimes, reality, or the truth, isn't even in there anywhere. I remember my oncologist telling me "Don't read blogs, and don't blog." Obviously I don't follow her directions to the letter.
Now 2 games of Sudoku later, and I will try sleep again. It is 03:37
--
14:00
Just back home from talk with Lady surgeon. She talked yesterday to two different angiosarcoma surgeons. Both said that if biopsy shows Angiosarcoma, and there is no metastasis, then remove all the cancer as soon as possible. Both looked at PET scan and both said amputate soonest.
The one is at a hospital far away (+-40km on other side of city), and the other is at a hospital only 8km from my house. We talked to the one at the hospital close. He opens at 09:00 in the morning, but said he will see me at 08:30 tomorrow morning, and to bring all my PET pictures, and biopsy results, and blood test results.
The Lady surgeon I talked to today is a very good soul. I like her. She is exactly how I think a Doctor should be.
The surgeon tomorrow is a cancer orthopedic specialist. He has shared surgery before with the Lady surgeon I like.
The Lady surgeon says that she would just be in the way if an amputation is for sure going to happen. Her expertise is in removing cancer with minimum damage to the surrounding body.
The orthopedic surgeon said that he should start a car dealership, as many of his patients trade in their manual transmission cars for automatic transmission cars. :-)
Since the only paper or pictures that I don't physically have are the ones from the lymphogram, I would try to get a copy of those. So before leaving the hospital, I decided to go to the biopsy surgeon, and see if he had copies for me. On the way there, I got lost. (It is a big hospital.) :-)
I accidentally walked past the place that did the lymphogram. I went in, to ask, if they knew where I could get copies. There, in a chair drinking coffee, was the lady that had done my lymphogram. I asked her, and she said that if I was not in a hurry, she would retrieve and copy everything for me. I sat for an hour, and she brought all the pictures, and the results. That was very nice of her. Thank you lady.
This complete lymphatic blockage may have helped to prevent the spread of the cancer into the lymphatic system.
As I was walking to the beetle, I decided to find exactly where the orthopedic surgeon's rooms are for tomorrow morning's appointment. I found them, and told the nice receptionist, that I would see her tomorrow. She smiled, asked if I was Mr. Wise, and said that she normally gets to work at 08:30 but tomorrow would be there from 08:00 just to be there when I arrive. That was a nice thing to hear. Some people do care. :-)
--
Sunday, 11 October 2015
Day 66 - Nothing happened today
I am playing OpenTTD. It is a railroad tycoon game on the computer. Very addictive, but need to quit now...NOW !!
I did nothing today.
I read lots in my book.
I cleaned the solar panels.
I walked to shop and bought bananas. That was the most exciting part of my day.
I shaved my head, and my face. It is the first time in a week I have felt enough stubble on my face to need shaving.
I chatted lots to my friend in Texas. Mostly about them getting a new truck for the ranch. We also talked about the Tex the long horn steer. He is so old and sick. They called the vet, but I think the vet is amazed that Tex is even still alive. :-(
I have an appointment to see the surgeon tomorrow at 11:00. I may go early and eat breakfast at the small restaurant at the LifeStye building. I like it better than the big restaurant at the main hospital. I suspect that she will want to take the leg off, but she may have another idea. She got to talk with her buddy that has lots of Angiosarcoma experience. My mind spins at all the options, and the repercussions of each of those options.
I did more with my web page, and put in links from it, to my blog.
Even I am bored reading this blog.
--
Saturday, 10 October 2015
Day 65 - About my blog
I slept 12 hours straight last night. Only up twice to pee.
After such a good sleep I decided to do a long walk to the mall. I made it about half way there and faded. There were two restaurants nearby, but both were closed. So I rested at a petrol station and drank a large orange juice. Then walked slowly home. The total distance was 4.2 km. and it took just over 3 hours. I got home and fell into bed.
I slept for 2 hours, and now I have my normal problem of waking up just in time to take a sleeping pill to go to bed. Duh!!
My blog was initially intended for me to "bare my soul" to myself. Then I included some friends that I thought, would like to share my cancer journey with me. I found solace in others hearing my story.
Two very good friends have been down the cancer road. Both lost their spouses to cancer. They supplied much wisdom to counter my ignorance. For that I will be forever grateful.
There is too little information on the web about Angiosarcoma. My blog may not always be the greatest cancer advice, but I would sure have appreciated reading it when I first got diagnosed. It would have told me so many things that I had to learn the hard way.
So, I have decided to try to improve readership of the blog.
I have built a Site-map, and installed it in my blog header. That will tell Yahoo, Google, and Bing about different keywords in my blog. This allows search engine robots to catalog the different main words like "angiosarcoma" and "cancer".
I also made a canonical entry to be added to the meta data on my http://kgwedi.com web site.
I have also included links to the blog from my web site.
There is now at the bottom of each blog, an icon to send the blog link to an email address if you so desire.
I have Google Analytics now showing me lots of information to improve readership.
So feel free to tell anyone about the blog. Especially anyone you feel will get some use from it.
http://www.blog.kgwedi.com
or my website
http://kgwedi.com
---
After such a good sleep I decided to do a long walk to the mall. I made it about half way there and faded. There were two restaurants nearby, but both were closed. So I rested at a petrol station and drank a large orange juice. Then walked slowly home. The total distance was 4.2 km. and it took just over 3 hours. I got home and fell into bed.
I slept for 2 hours, and now I have my normal problem of waking up just in time to take a sleeping pill to go to bed. Duh!!
My blog was initially intended for me to "bare my soul" to myself. Then I included some friends that I thought, would like to share my cancer journey with me. I found solace in others hearing my story.
Two very good friends have been down the cancer road. Both lost their spouses to cancer. They supplied much wisdom to counter my ignorance. For that I will be forever grateful.
There is too little information on the web about Angiosarcoma. My blog may not always be the greatest cancer advice, but I would sure have appreciated reading it when I first got diagnosed. It would have told me so many things that I had to learn the hard way.
So, I have decided to try to improve readership of the blog.
I have built a Site-map, and installed it in my blog header. That will tell Yahoo, Google, and Bing about different keywords in my blog. This allows search engine robots to catalog the different main words like "angiosarcoma" and "cancer".
I also made a canonical entry to be added to the meta data on my http://kgwedi.com web site.
I have also included links to the blog from my web site.
There is now at the bottom of each blog, an icon to send the blog link to an email address if you so desire.
I have Google Analytics now showing me lots of information to improve readership.
So feel free to tell anyone about the blog. Especially anyone you feel will get some use from it.
http://www.blog.kgwedi.com
or my website
http://kgwedi.com
---
Friday, 9 October 2015
Day 64 - Lots of naps
I slept well and got up at about 08:00. Showered and dressed my leg. Then about 10:00 I had a fade, and took a two hour nap.
I decided to buy a new hat. With my bald head, the back of my head gets sunburned wearing a baseball cap. So I walked to the local camping store, and bought a typical wide brimmed hat. One size fits all. Inside the brim is an elastic cord that you adjust for the size of head. It seems to work.
I walked home, and took a 2 hour nap.
I just had a fruit salad, but I crave some real food, so am microwaving some Pasta Alfredo. So unhealthy. Bad Dan.
The pasta packet says best before Mar 2010.
With the naps, I slept 14 hours so far today, and I'll be going to bed soon. I will still take a sleeping pill.
I hope to be in bed by 21:00
Pasta has no taste. Me or the pasta? So I dumped in lots of Turmeric, Cayenne pepper, garlic, and mixed herbs. Now it tastes like mixed herbs with garlic and Cayenne pepper. I should have stayed healthy and had a pear.
--
I decided to buy a new hat. With my bald head, the back of my head gets sunburned wearing a baseball cap. So I walked to the local camping store, and bought a typical wide brimmed hat. One size fits all. Inside the brim is an elastic cord that you adjust for the size of head. It seems to work.
I walked home, and took a 2 hour nap.
I just had a fruit salad, but I crave some real food, so am microwaving some Pasta Alfredo. So unhealthy. Bad Dan.
The pasta packet says best before Mar 2010.
With the naps, I slept 14 hours so far today, and I'll be going to bed soon. I will still take a sleeping pill.
I hope to be in bed by 21:00
Pasta has no taste. Me or the pasta? So I dumped in lots of Turmeric, Cayenne pepper, garlic, and mixed herbs. Now it tastes like mixed herbs with garlic and Cayenne pepper. I should have stayed healthy and had a pear.
--
Thursday, 8 October 2015
Day 63 - Bad Start to the Day
01:25
I am so tired. I can barely walk, but I can't sleep.
At first I thought it must have been something in the health salad I ate. Then I thought maybe the sleeping pill, but I think the sleeping pill is working well. I am stupid tired, and want nothing more than sleep. I have been in bed since around 22:00. I just lay there. I also have the twitches. About every minute or so my leg jerks and I roll over. When I lay still, it feels like a huge amount of swirling black smoke is trying to break out of my body.
I now think it must be the chemo. I have drank lots of water. Maybe what I need is a long walk. At 01:30 I would probably get shot.
My left hand just would not type...I have to use my right hand for all my typing. It feels fine, and will pick up stuff, but when I try to aim for a letter, it does not move. Like my brain can't do fine control of my left hand.
Maybe I should now try to meditate.
My left hand will start and stop the fan. That is pushing a button on the fan. Why when I try to type a "g" my left had just hovers over the keyboard and will not move to the g? But I can work the light switch with my left hand.
--
03:33
Still wide and wild awake. Maybe I am battling because of not including one of the chemo side effect drugs during the chemo. I'll have to check.
My left hand now works OK.
--
12:00 Noon
I just got up. I slept well from 5 till now. I am steaming broccoli and fish for breakfast.
I have been cleaning up a big mess I made last night. At around 4 this morning, I went to the sink in the kitchen and got a glass of water. I turned around to head for bed, and turned left instead of right and walked hard, straight into the kitchen cupboard. A bag of coffee beans fell off the top onto the floor. There are a lot of coffee beans in a one kg bag.
I once walked from Maun to Shakawe in Botswana by myself. I carried everything. It took 14 days. Long before GPS. Just a compass. Now I can not find my way to the kitchen door from the sink.
Chemo sucks.
Cancer sucks.
Angiosarcoma sucks.
Getting old sucks.
Being sick sucks.
Even remembering the past sucks.
I try to think of pleasant things, so I listen for the birds, But I only hear dogs barking at the trash men.
Trash men suck.
Dogs suck.
Even the birds won't sing. Birds suck.
I sometimes think I should have someone like Maddie here to help me. But help me what? Find the kitchen door? Pick up coffee beans? I think that rather than someone I care about, I should get my worst enemy, and have them stay with me. Maybe Obama, or the NSA will help me pick up coffee beans.
---
My surgeon just called. She wants to see me on Monday to talk about leg surgery. She also wants to refer me to her friend that has lots of angiosarcoma surgery experience. That is good news for me. I will soon have 3 doctors on my side. An oncologist, a surgeon I like, and a surgeon with extensive angiosarcoma experience.
--
20:00
My friends in Texas just sent me an SMS. They say their pet long horn steer is old and not eating. Tex was a huge, strong, beast of an animal.
Here is Tex and Maddie a few years ago:
Maddie is on the right, Tex on the left. :-)
My friend is going to clone Tex. That is so cool. Tex is a wonderful animal.
But now Tex is skin and bones. He eats so slow now that he can't get enough food into himself. He is old, and sick.
It is a funny world, when I can commiserate with a longhorn steer, better than I can with 99.9% of people on earth.
--
I am so tired. I can barely walk, but I can't sleep.
At first I thought it must have been something in the health salad I ate. Then I thought maybe the sleeping pill, but I think the sleeping pill is working well. I am stupid tired, and want nothing more than sleep. I have been in bed since around 22:00. I just lay there. I also have the twitches. About every minute or so my leg jerks and I roll over. When I lay still, it feels like a huge amount of swirling black smoke is trying to break out of my body.
I now think it must be the chemo. I have drank lots of water. Maybe what I need is a long walk. At 01:30 I would probably get shot.
My left hand just would not type...I have to use my right hand for all my typing. It feels fine, and will pick up stuff, but when I try to aim for a letter, it does not move. Like my brain can't do fine control of my left hand.
Maybe I should now try to meditate.
My left hand will start and stop the fan. That is pushing a button on the fan. Why when I try to type a "g" my left had just hovers over the keyboard and will not move to the g? But I can work the light switch with my left hand.
--
03:33
Still wide and wild awake. Maybe I am battling because of not including one of the chemo side effect drugs during the chemo. I'll have to check.
My left hand now works OK.
--
12:00 Noon
I just got up. I slept well from 5 till now. I am steaming broccoli and fish for breakfast.
I have been cleaning up a big mess I made last night. At around 4 this morning, I went to the sink in the kitchen and got a glass of water. I turned around to head for bed, and turned left instead of right and walked hard, straight into the kitchen cupboard. A bag of coffee beans fell off the top onto the floor. There are a lot of coffee beans in a one kg bag.
I once walked from Maun to Shakawe in Botswana by myself. I carried everything. It took 14 days. Long before GPS. Just a compass. Now I can not find my way to the kitchen door from the sink.
Chemo sucks.
Cancer sucks.
Angiosarcoma sucks.
Getting old sucks.
Being sick sucks.
Even remembering the past sucks.
I try to think of pleasant things, so I listen for the birds, But I only hear dogs barking at the trash men.
Trash men suck.
Dogs suck.
Even the birds won't sing. Birds suck.
I sometimes think I should have someone like Maddie here to help me. But help me what? Find the kitchen door? Pick up coffee beans? I think that rather than someone I care about, I should get my worst enemy, and have them stay with me. Maybe Obama, or the NSA will help me pick up coffee beans.
---
My surgeon just called. She wants to see me on Monday to talk about leg surgery. She also wants to refer me to her friend that has lots of angiosarcoma surgery experience. That is good news for me. I will soon have 3 doctors on my side. An oncologist, a surgeon I like, and a surgeon with extensive angiosarcoma experience.
--
20:00
My friends in Texas just sent me an SMS. They say their pet long horn steer is old and not eating. Tex was a huge, strong, beast of an animal.
Here is Tex and Maddie a few years ago:
Maddie is on the right, Tex on the left. :-)
My friend is going to clone Tex. That is so cool. Tex is a wonderful animal.
But now Tex is skin and bones. He eats so slow now that he can't get enough food into himself. He is old, and sick.
It is a funny world, when I can commiserate with a longhorn steer, better than I can with 99.9% of people on earth.
--
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