Day 33 - Questions for the Doctor

Today was perfect weather. I did a long walk (for me) of 11.85 km. (About 7.5 miles)

While at the mall, I went to a big book store, and read the different books by people with cancer, and how they dealt with it. The books were very similar to each other, and to even my blog. The same thoughts.

I sat in the mall and listened to people talk.
Blah...blah...blah...I wonder what the oncologist will say tomorrow..blah..blah..blah..I wonder what the PET scan report said...blah ...blah...blah..I wonder if the op on my leg will allow me to get around by myself...blah ...blah...blah.
It is like I have only one thing on my mind. Cancer.

I used to think I would never live to be 40.. then 50....then 60. So why am I so surprised and shocked by this possible death by cancer?
The logic of death, says that everyone dies, so I will just be one of the previous 108 Billion people that have died. But some how, it has become personal, not logical. Personal.

My brother said I should live by the phrase, "Don't go there, till you get there."
In the future I may have things that are concerning, and worrying. To worry about them now, is just borrowing worry from the future. I am sure there will be enough time for worry, when it is time to worry.

I stopped half way back at a dance studio. Dance studios often have good cafes or coffee shops. I ate a scrambled egg with feta, and had a large coffee. 

Tomorrow at 10:00 I will meet the oncologist. Hopefully she will have the report by the radiologist of the PET scan.

Doctors are evasive in their replies.
Definition of Forthright - frank, direct, straightforward, honest, candid, open, sincere, outspoken, straight, blunt, plain-spoken, no-nonsense.
I don't believe I have ever met a "forthright" Doctor.

I have a list of things to ask her.
Assuming I am not killed by an accident, will I die from this cancer?  
Will this cancer be the cause of my death?
How often will we check the spread of cancer? 
Will the checking be by PET scan?
How deep are the sores on my leg? 
How will the surgery limit my walking? 
Is amputation an option? 
How deep can you cut and still allow me a return to a healthy leg?
Is the surgery worth it, if a major part of my lifespan, is the recovery time from this op?
Will chemo be able to "cure" this cancer? 
If not then why are we doing it? Shouldn't we go straight to Immunotherapy?

  I am worried because it is a big piece of me they want to remove. 28cm x 18 cm was the guess before the PET scan. I think that area is now larger, and much deeper. Well into the muscle if I look at the PET pics.

Immunotherapy seems more "pass or fail".  Chemo seems too much like just "fucking around" with cancer. A little poison here, a little poison there. Maybe we will slow it down, and you can survive a few years till the leukemia kills you.

I wish I knew more about this whole thing.