Day 5 - Why Cancer is sad

Today while walking to the Mall for a deserved big breakfast, I once again felt strong. The sun was bright, and the sky pure blue. Everything felt perfect. If Angiosarcoma will strike me, it will NOT be today.

Could it be that cancer is a symptom, and not a disease? We fight it like we fight a symptom. What is the underlying cause?

There is a lot on the internet about the pros and cons of chemo. It kills fast growing cells. Cells like bone marrow, mucus membranes, and cancer. Angiosarcoma is such a fast moving cancer, that even if you kill it all, it just comes back quickly. But if the chemo kills it, then when it comes back there is no immune system left to fight it.
I need to think on that.

Some more good web sites I have found.

http://theboitsons.info/?p=126

http://sarcomahelp.org/angiosarcoma.html

What is it about cancer that makes it sadder than other deaths.
Thousands die on the roads every year. Death is usually quick.
Many die in airplane crashes. Lots of terror, then death.
We live in Africa where genocide and xenocide are a way of life for millions.
What about cancer makes it such a big deal?
Why is one death a bigger deal than another?
Whatever method of your death, you are freed from the dream of life.
In my aviation career, I have been in potentially fatal positions a few times. I was never sad. I think I was to busy. What makes this Angiosarcoma so sad?
Maybe the fact that unlike a quick heart attack, you end up dragging your loved ones along for the ride.

I hope that one purpose of this blog is to make my friends more tolerant of any irrational behavior on my part. Yesterday while getting a Kleenex, I felt it's softness, and tears came. Fortunately I had a Kleenex handy.
What a wimp I am.

A good friend from Texas just called on the telephone. What a wonderful surprise. His wife died not to long ago, after a long bout with cancer. He knows more about it than I do. We chatted about many things. His girlfriend was there also, and we chatted. Such wonderful people.

If I am able to travel after making plans with the Oncology Doctor on Wednesday, I would like to take my girlfriend, Maddie, to near Seattle in the USA to visit my Brother, then to Florida to visit friends there, then to the ranch in Texas for a while.

I am concerned about why all the web sites mention how once Angiosarcoma was diagnosed, the patient was immediately taken to chemo and PET scan. some times within hours, but usually the next day.
My doctor said to go straight to the oncologist, but the oncologist said she was going away for the long weekend and would only see me in 5 days. Does she see me as a waste of time? Defensive Medicine at work? Now she can say I was to far gone before I saw her.

The wound care lady always wanted to change my dressings every 2 days. The medical aid pays for it, and she makes a living with people like me. Then the long weekend comes up, and then she says I only need to change the dressing every 7 days.  

I don't understand, and I am scared.