Day 89 - Reality of Phantom Pain.

09:00
Yesterday afternoon I had way to much pain. I couldn't function, I got the shakes with the pain, and that was all the world for me. Pain sure focuses the mind. There are no longer world problems. ISIS, Nuclear Iran, US dept, Global warming, and Government interference.  All these thing were trivial and could affect me not. My world was Pain, Pain, Pain.
Poor Maddie. She so wanted to help me, but what could she possibly do?
We finally just gave in to the drugs. Thankfully we had prepared emergency pill food. All the pills must be taken with food. I took max of all pain killers, muscle relaxers, and neural blockers. 30 minutes later I fell asleep in a chair. Three hours later I crawled into bed, and sat up on the new wedge we bought. I stayed unmoving for 4 hours, then around midnight, finally laid down. I got up at around 8 this morning. 17 hours removed from my life.

What would I have done without Maddie? I can't imagine. Probably just laid on a very urine soaked bed for 17 hours, and got stomach ulcers of note. Thank You Maddie.
--
 11:00
This whole phantom pain is a subject, that even the internet seem to be ignorant of. 
I have read many doctor reports, clinical trials, and "cures" for phantom pain on the internet. The only written words that seem even remotely connected to reality, is from amputation bloggers. They may not have any medical training, but they have been there. They understand more about phantom pain than any doctor can ever understand.

I like the word "Grok". That is when your knowledge of a subject is so extensive, that it has become instinctive. No conscious thought is necessary to understand the subject. The knowledge is no longer just mental understanding, but it resides deep in the soul.
No doctor will ever grok phantom pain, unless he looses a limb.

 I have spent days analyzing and trying to figure out this phantom pain. It can hurt so bad, yet the pain is focused on something that doesn't exist.
When a lover dumps you, and walks away, the pain can be bad, and that is also not a physical pain.
When you are driving along, and some idiot cuts in front of you, almost causing a collision, a strong, gross, emotional sensation develops quickly. There is no physical reason for the strong anger felt. 
 If it is not physical, then, it must be in the mind.

I did Transcendental Meditation for 17 years, and Buddhist Vipassana meditation for the last 6 years. Add to this many years of fighting many types of pain, and this Phantom has met its match.

Some of the cause of phantom pain is from actual stimulation of nerve endings left over from the amputation. This pain is difficult to isolate and focus on. Mainly because the pain is not felt at the source of the pain.
For years, I have had many problems with sciatica pain from my bad back. There again, the pain is felt in the back of my leg, but is caused by the pinching of nerves in the spine. Do I try to fight this at the spine that doesn't hurt at all, or the leg which is not the source of the pain? Sciatica is very difficult to deal with mentally.
If it is all in the mind, then it has a problem, because it has met a worthy opponent. I am very good at mind defense and warfare. This phantom pain is in the same threat category as sciatica.

 One of the tools Vipassana has taught me is "Equanimity".
By mentally "sweeping" over the entire body, you can note any sensations, both negative (pain) and positive (pleasurable). By noting any sensation, and concentrating and understanding it, it is possible that on the next "sweep", that sensation is no longer detectable. We call that - Equanimitization.  A sensation (pain) that has been equanimitized is no longer detectable by the senses.
In Vipassana, we would sit motionless for about 120 hours on a 10 day course. A lot of pain builds up in the back and knees. I got pretty good with equanimity of pain. The better you get with practice, the better you can equanimitize stronger pain. Soon, even gross, solidified sensations become impermanent.
You soon learn that everything, is impermanent. 

This technique is used by people like David Blaine. He held his breath for 17 minutes and 4 seconds live on Oprah. The choking, gasping feeling, you get when holding your breath is not a lack of oxygen. It is a carbon dioxide poisoning alarm the body gives. This alarm can be equanimitized.

This skill can also be applied to nonphysical sensations. Fear, sadness or when someone does something that angers you. Instead of a reactive emotion, you can respond with equanimity, and not get angry, because their action becomes a non-event.

Trying to equanimitize sciatica or Phantom pain is a whole different level than simple physical pain. That is a skill I will be working on for the next few days. I may not be able to stop the pain, but I should be able to stop the suffering.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

Equanimity is one of many mental weapons to fight this Phantom. Some weapons are powerful, requiring strong concentration, and some are weaker, but easier to use.

Phantom Pain, Standby for Bolo!
--